Let It Snow Let Me Down—I Didn’t Hate It

Hallmark movies walked so that Netflix Originals could run.

I am a sucker for objectively lame Christmas movies. Your Christmas Prince sagas, Princess Switch, Knight Before Christmas–you name it, I’m all there.

I was looking for a bad Christmas movie to play in the background while I did all of my last minute holiday prep. Some inane nonsense to drone on and distract me from the monotony of my tasks. So I put this on.

And I had to pause it because dammit I actually loved it.

I don’t know what it was. The way everything connects, the heart, the emotion. I can’t explain it. It just spoke to me.

Is it objectively good? That’s up for debate. My thing is it struck a chord with me.

My youth is so far behind me now. And this film reminded me of that. Normally that fact would make me wilt with despair, but for some reason this uplifted me tonight.

Watching this movie, snug on my couch in a wooly blanket, strawberry wine in a mug and chocolate chip cookies from a tin, gifts wrapped and chores (mostly) done, husband out playing some reindeer games with a couple of our old friends, just feeling the peaceful presence of my two sons sleeping, dreaming upstairs in their rooms, no doubt visions of sugarplums (or more likely raving crabs for Vinny) dancing in their heads. Just all of a sudden it hit me.

I am a Mom.

This moment of stillness, enraptured in this Netflix Original John Green world I had found myself in, I pulled myself back because it all felt so familiar to me. The wild ride of relationships, friendships, painful awkwardness, young love, existential questioning, existential acceptance, just all of it. I was there.

And now I’m here. Enjoying a moment of quiet amidst the miraculous chaos that is motherhood. Reveling in the eye of the storm that is a summer sunshower and a roaring blizzard all at once.

I don’t really know what I’m saying. At least not to you. It all makes sense to me. So I feel compelled to share it.

I wanted to hate this film. But I love it, because it reminded me that a chapter in my life has closed. And I used to mourn that.

Now it feels complete.

I may fall back into my phase of life fearing ways once the strawberry wine and life high wears off, but for now, I want to thank Let It Snow for not being as terrible as I was hoping.

And I want to thank God for blessing me with the gift that is growing up. It’s an opportunity I never appreciated properly.

Merry Christmas everyone. I will talk to you in a new decade.