This Momz Needs A Time Out

πŸ“–Story Time…πŸ“–

December 29, 2018

Today was a bit of a rough day.

It wasn’t a bad day, per se, but it was definitely rough.

3AM

🚽I had gotten up to pee for like the millionth time, and Vinny was up playing with his new Leapfrog talking Scout puppy he got from his “Old Man (my Dad)” for Christmas. I could hear it cycling through its various phrases and nursery rhymes, picturing Vinny grinning each time it responded as he pressed its paw. I decided to just go back to bed and wait to see if Vinny would just fall back asleep. I drifted in and out. πŸ’€

4:30AM

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plz.

πŸ”ŠOver the monitor I could still hear, “I’m feeling…happy!” “Let’s play together!” “🎢Old McDonald Had a Farm…🎢” I had to go in and take the dog from him so he’d go to sleep. He was not pleased with that, but after Dad came up to help soothe him he went to sleep. 😴

I, however, did not, despite my very best efforts.

7AM And On

🌞The beginning of the day went fine. We had breakfast, played, went for a walk at the Mall and played at the indoor playground. He tried to run out of the play area, so I had to herd him back in, to which he responded with the beginnings of a tantrum. πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ In order to avoid a category 5 meltdown, we unfortunately had to take our leave. It was more or less his nap time at that point, anyway.

πŸ’€Naptime itself was fine, as it typically is (#blessedπŸ™). When he woke up, he was pleasant. It looked like all he needed was a little more shut-eye! 😌

Then it was dinnertime…

πŸ¦–πŸ¦•He refused to eat his dinosaur chicken nuggets πŸ™…β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜€ (yes, I broke down and gave him chicken nuggets…but at least they were made with cage-free chicken and weren’t loaded with additives and whatnot, so the box said πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ). I fought him for what felt like an hour. Then finally I melted some cheese on top them, and he ate them. πŸ§€πŸ™„

πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈThe rest of the evening (aka the witching hour, the period of time after dinner leading up to bedtime when he’s at his peak potential for crankiness) was spent trying to do things he knows he’s not supposed to, and having a fit when he was told to stop.

I might have lost my temper a couple of times… 😫😀🀬

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#theanthem

When he went to reach for one of the (admittedly) poorly placed Christmas decorations we still had out for the fiftieth time that day, that was when I snapped. I grabbed his arm, and he turned to look at me.

“I. Said. NO!!” I shouted, my voice cracking upwards five octaves. I glared at him, pulling him away from the object he was trying to meddle with.

“What is wrong with you?” I hated the words as they left my mouth, but couldn’t stop them…I knew it was my fault for leaving that stupid thing there. He had more or less left it alone before, but I really should have known better. πŸ˜“πŸ˜“πŸ˜“

And then he just looked at me and said, “Mumma, Mumma,” and hugged onto me.

πŸ˜”What kind of monster am I? 

🍼About this time was the time for his evening milk, which I supplement with probiotic, DHA, and vitamin D in, so I like for him to drink all of it. Of course on this particular day, he refused to drink the last two ounces. πŸ™…β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜€

This infuriated me.

I brought him up to bed in an angry huff. When we got into his room, just as I was about to place him in his crib, he clung to me, again said, “Mumma, Mumma,” and began kissing on me. He just kept nuzzling and hugging and kissing my face, leaning back to look at me and saying, “Mumma…”

I looked at my child, whose large brown eyes glistened in the low pastel light of his humidifier. I could see him smiling sweetly at me, his face the complete opposite of a mirror image of the ugly angry troll face I more than likely wore. πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘Ί

πŸ’”I broke down and started sobbing, clutching him to my chest, and he just kept on loving me. I rocked him back and forth until I could get it together, kissed his forehead, gave him his pacifier, white noise giraffe, his “babies (two teddy bears),” and his Leapfrog dog…turned to off mode, of course.

πŸŒ…Tomorrow would be a new day, I thought. And indeed it was, as is every day.


I don’t deserve this child. He drives me crazy lately, but some days I really feel I do not deserve him…

πŸ˜”πŸ˜ͺI’ve been in a funk lately. I’ve had work deadlines looming with daunting projects I’ve yet to piece together, πŸ“‘πŸ“©βŒš deadlines I’ve missed completely that luckily I’ve gotten extensions on, 😰😰😰 family and social issues,  πŸ˜“πŸ˜¬πŸ˜”a house that’s an absolute mess that I can’t seem to keep up with,  πŸ§ΊπŸ§ΉπŸ—‘πŸ§ΌπŸ½πŸ§½ a bedroom that at my 35 week milestone finally had a newborn station set up, 🚼🧸🀱 and the aforementioned bedroom still needs to be Marie Kondo’d TF out of, πŸ“¦πŸ›πŸ‘šπŸ‘• and of course a hormonal roller coaster that rivals the worst of all of my years of PMS since age 12. 😣😑πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜¬πŸ˜ͺπŸ€¬πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜«πŸ€―

I know none of this is any excuse. But I just can’t seem to get it together some days…


Where am I going with this?

πŸ€±πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§I see a lot of Moms in my life and on social media that seem inseparable from their children. They talk about how they cannot be without their babies even for a day, how they’re incomplete without them, and how they’re their whole entire reason for existing, etc, etc…

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#cantrelate

😍πŸ₯°Don’t get me wrong, it’s sweet to see how loving they are with each other and how they enrich each others’ lives. I have absolutely no judgement towards these Moms. I legitimately admire them and their relationships with their babies. πŸ’―πŸ‘πŸ’–

I just personally don’t feel the same way. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Not to say that I don’t absolutely love my sons, they are still very much my world and my focus, I just have about a few days tops of being around my oldest son round the clock before I feel like I might need to be committed. 😡😡😡

Furthermore, I wouldn’t say that my son is my sole purpose for living. And obviously I know this is a figure of speech. But even so, I still don’t feel completely fulfilled just being a Mom and honestly get a little depressed when I go a few days in a row doing #justmomthings.

And because of that, I wonder what must be wrong with me.

😀😀😀Why do I lose my cool so easily? Why do I want, no, “need” to escape if it’s just been me and my son for a couple of days? Why do I feel so easily “trapped?”

🀳😘#️⃣I know I shouldn’t let Insta Moms and my FB Mom friends make me feel “less.” I know a lot of times (most of the time, approx. 99 percent), people embellish their lives for social media. We’re all guilty of it. And I also know that comparison is the thief of joy. But it’s so hard sometimes not to compare myself to other moms when I feel like I’m doing something wrong every day. πŸ˜₯


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#selfcare

β˜•πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈAside from needing my “MOM-ents” for self care (and we all need them), I also feel most “myself” when I have time to “work” on my freelance writing and blogging.

But when there’s a shifty toddler running around trying to get into everything, and who can’t be contained in a “baby corral” for more than about half an hour, it’s hard to focus, let alone conduct interviews or do proper research or whatever needs my attention to get an assignment or post done. 😬😡

Furthermore, if it’s just been us for a while, I start to lose my mind a little. Like I mentioned, my threshold for being at home (even after going out each day) alone with my son is about 3-4 days before I need an “escape (at the point in the story above, I think we were going on day 4. 😨)”

And you know what? I’m starting to realize that that’s OKAY. πŸ’―

πŸ™I’m very lucky in that I have parents and in-laws who are generally able to take my son off my hands once a week. And I’ve found when I get a break, I can recharge, and it helps fill my Mom cup so that I can pour the best of me into my son for another 3-4 days.

Because when it gets past that threshold…I become a Mommy monster. πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΊπŸ²πŸ§Ÿβ€β™€οΈ

I feel guilty asking for help. I hate admitting that I need help. I hate the thought of putting people out. I hate the thought of depending on anyone for anything…

But I’ve been told multiple times to get over it.

I am blessed to have people in my life who love my son and want to spend some time with him. I need to know that it’s okay to let him get a change of scenery and get socialized, while I do what I need to do to be my best self, for him.

It’s true when they say that it takes a village to raise a child. And I have a very, very good village. πŸ™πŸ’—πŸ’―


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Any Moms “Ridin Solo (jay-SON De-RU-Looo),” You Got this! #ilovethisstupidgame #bestworkouts

I realize that not every Mom has the luxury I do, but I do feel that it’s a necessity (more so for some than others, maybe) to get time to yourself to be the best parent you can be to your child(ren). Whether that’s going to work, the gym, or just getting errands done alone, we all need a little space once in a while.

There are resources available for Moms who have to go it alone for one reason or the other. This website lists aid for single Moms by state, including resources for childcare grants and scholarships for Mamas to be able to work and get things done.

Contacting local churches, YMCA’s, and other nonprofit organizations could also be great way to find free or low-cost childcare.

For example, if your form of self-care is an hour to sweat it out on the treadmill, a lot of YMCA’s offer in-house childcare while you workout with a membership, and they can often help with fees if you are struggling financially.

These are just a couple of examples, and I’m sure there’s other resources out there, but where there’s a will, there’s a way! Don’t lose hope if you’re flying Han Solo in the journey of motherhood.

πŸ—£If you’re just feeling lonely or like you need an ear, try joining some online Moms Groups for solidarity and further tips. I’m a member of at least 5 of them on Facebook.

Remember–You. Are. Not. Alone. πŸ’―πŸ€—


So, at the risk of this post being too long, (I’ll most likely have a follow up to this coming soon, though, about my SAHM Guilt), I’ll end it right here, knowing that me taking care of myself is just one of my ways of taking care of my baby.

And it’s okay that we’re not attached at the hip. We’re attached at the heart. πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦πŸ’žπŸ₯°

I’ve also started a “Home Nursery School” for him which has been helping with my previous feelings of monotony, and it’s brought us a little bit closer. Seeing him excited to learn and grow really helps me see how much of a blessing it is that I get to devote this time to him. But I’ll have a post on that in the near future!

πŸ’¬How many of you feel like you need a break? How many of you can’t be separated from your little loves? Either way, you’re all excellent Mamas doing your best. πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ

Thanks for reading, my Gals! 😘😘

πŸ‘€If you’re new here, and this content or any of my upcoming content interests you, make sure you add your email and follow so you don’t miss any updates! 😁😁 And if you’re already following, thank you and bless your heart and soul! πŸ™πŸ₯°πŸ€—

πŸ“‹Upcoming Content: My (Stay-At-Home) Mom Guilt, My Son’s “Home-Nursery-School Curriculum,” and My Bedside Nursery Corner (Second Baby)

Posts from my phone: Mean Mom Thoughts πŸ˜€πŸ€¬πŸ’­

((This is a phone post so it’s not gonna be particularly fancy with gifs and memes I’m sorry 😐 but I’m at least able to use emojis from phone posts, so w00t! πŸ’―πŸ’–πŸ˜‚πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ))

So clearly I didn’t end up posting the next week, or even the week after my last post. But, this is better than going 4+ months without posting anything, right? πŸ˜… I’m getting there, you guys!

The next post will actually be about how to repurpose old formula tins. Not that you couldn’t use your perfectly capable imaginations or look to Pinterest for ideas, but maybe, just maybe, I have some ideas that they don’t πŸ˜‰

Anyway, being at home all of the time with my son is a blessing. It really is. Having said that though, after a while being a full time SAHM admittedly has kind of, well, sucked from time to time.

I’ve been having a rough go of it lately, for reasons I’ll get into later…but during these trying times, My patience has become paper thin. Actually, is there a substance thinner than paper?

My son has been going through his one year leap, too, and as a result he has been testier than usual. And on the particularly bad days, I’ve found myself thinking “mean thoughts.”

To be clear, these are not harmful nor destructive thoughts, just kind of, well, mean. I feel like I’m not the only one who’s thought similarly, though, so I’m here to share them with you!

Here are some Mean Mom Thoughts I’ve had and what they mean!


πŸ’­Advice to women whose husbands ask you to about trying to start a family: You know how when you were a kid and you asked your parents for a puppy, kitten, what have you, and you promised to take care of them, feed them, clean up after them, etc? And how many of you actually held up your end of the bargain when you eventually got your beloved furry companion?

πŸ’­This is like that. Like your parents and your dog, you will end up doing all of the hard work while your husband enjoys the fun parts like snuggling and playing, etc. It’s a bum deal. Proceed with caution.

((It should be noted that my husband is πŸ’― percent the real deal when it comes to sharing the burden. He’s proactive and sympathetic, and I don’t know what I did to deserve him. I try to give him his well-deserved time off, too, although he claims helping out with our son is time off to him. Honestly, he is amazing. #dadsdontbabysit πŸ™ŒπŸ»))

πŸ’­*child is wild’n out for absolutely no good reason*

πŸ’­*googles if it’s harmful to the body to give night time cold medicine to someone who doesn’t have a cold*

((I would NEVER, of course, but sometimes…))

πŸ’­Husband: Idk I think it would be nice to have 5 or 6 kids…

πŸ’­Me: Well I’ll tell you what, they’re gonna be our live-in cleaning staff otherwise why would you do that to yourself? That’s the only reason people had that many kids back in the day, it’s the only logical explanation.

((Let it be known, I have nothing but admiration for people with 4+ kids. Seriously, more power to you! And I get the whole more to love mindset, but honestly, I’m walking the delicate tightrope of patience and sanity with just one, I cannot imagine what state I’d be in (mentally and maybe even geographically at some point…) if it were a bad day with three times the crazy I have now. God bless Moms of lots! πŸ’ͺ🏻))

πŸ’­*Baby begins his waking klaxon call upstairs 2 minutes before anticipated to wake up time.*

πŸ’­*Me, completely invested in a Netflix binge ignoring sink full of dishes and a pile of laundry with a two mile summit at the bottom of the staircase*

πŸ’­Nah, d00d, he’s just talking in his sleep he’s fine. Carry on.

((Sure enough he usually isn’t just talking in his sleep and I do get myself up to tend to him. What becomes of the dishes and laundry is a story for another day…))

πŸ’­*Grandparent asks if they can take the child for the day at the end of the week*

πŸ’­y3333e333eee333ee3333333eee333eee33t.

((We all need a break once in a while. Even the ones who are inseparable from their progeny at some point, I imagine, must need some space to b r e a t h e. Every Mom needs a MOMent to herself, for her health. I don’t feel too bad about this one. What’s that they say about empty cups?))


And for the sake of this being too long, I will end it here. I may or may not have a sequel to this, though. Most likely, yes.

Formula can story first, I promise!! 😜

But long story short, we all have “Mean thoughts” as moms sometimes. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our little ones, nor does it mean we are actually mean moms. It means we are human, we are tired, and we are coping.

Hang in there, Mom. I see you. And I know you see me, too.

Thanks for reading, my gals! Now let’s see if I can make another post within a month! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

Trying to Avada Kadabra Self Doubt as a Mom and a Writer

Henlo, to all of my dedicated follower!

I’ve been putting this off for a long time now. It’s like I’ve been afraid of it, for some reason. And the longer I went without updating, the more afraid to post I’ve been. It’s become more than my signature procrastination at this point–I’ve been Stupefy’d with fear of failure/not being good enough.

I’ve almost been feeling like I’m losing my ability to write these days. Which is devastating, as writing has always been my primary source of expression. This is how I communicate. You would never guess if you actually had a face-to-face conversation with me that I am actually able to string words into sentences in any way.

These past few months I’ve felt like I’m no good at writing anymore. I’ve hated every single thing I’ve worked on, including this. I have a few drafts I haven’t posted for fear of whatever it is being the actual worst thing to ever be posted.Β I’ve been looking back on my old posts and have been cringing at the way they came out–way too long, the formatting is hard to look at, etc, so I’ve been afraid to keep going.

Basically I’ve been back on my bullshizz and I’m trying to come back.

I have Mom brain. Really bad. I can barely speak or understand my native language anymore, it seems, and I can’t look away from a task for more than two seconds before forgetting what it was that I had been doing. I leave lights on when I leave, drinks on top of cars–you name it, I’ve done it. Dory would be concerned for me.

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Grrl, same!

I’m sure this goes without saying, but once you have a child, the part of your brain reserved for memory, focus, and basic motor function is replaced with deciphering different cries, coming up with baby food recipes, and Raffi song lyrics.

Add Mom Brain to selling an apartment, buying a house, moving, and the pressure of freelancing, ghostwriting, and the subconscious desire to pursue ever-expanding personal projects with super-writer’s block/mental constipation, and that’s the equation for my semester-long silence on this blog.

I’d like for this to go somewhere. I want to believe that I have something to offer other Moms. But I know we all have to start somewhere, and we can’t improve what we give up on.

That’s why I can’t give up on this blog. Even if it’s a little incoherent now, I know it can’t get better unless I work on it. That’s why every week/bi-weekly I have to have some kind of post on here. Even if it doesn’t make sense or it, “isn’t that great.”

I’ve been so afraid and unsure of myself, comparing myself to other mom bloggers with bigger (actual) followings that I’ve allowed myself to be self-deprecating and self-sabatoging. It’s so easy to do as a Mom to compare yourself to others, and as a result feel completely incompetent and like every single thing you’re doing is wrong.

I’ve come to realize that if I give up on this, I’m partially giving up on myself, and I can’t allow that for a second. I have to set an example for my son. Of course it’s only natural and human to have doubts in everything, including ourselves, but we have to overcome them. I want my son to believe in himself, and in order for him to understand how, I have to model that for him.

I’m going to be working on updating the aesthetic of this blog and possibly getting my own domain name so maybe that will help with the performance anxiety a bit. So stay tuned on that!

Thank you for bearing with me. I know I keep promising that repurposing formula scoops/tins post. It’s coming, I swear!

Some updates for you:

We moved!

Recently we said goodbye to our old two bedroom, 650 sq ft apartment in favor of a townhouse twice the size and there’s so much more room for activities now! We are also right next to my SIL at Becoming Rivera!Β Vinny will be right next door to his baby cousin! ❀ ❀ ❀

We anticipate doing several renovations to the house, but all aesthetic! I’ve never lived in a space this large, so it’s a little overwhelming. But we’re going to make it our own, even if we end up making it #nailedit experience.

Vinny

Vinny is ten months old as of June 12th! He’s already somewhat walking, and as always is completely ravenous all the time! He continues to grow like a weed! He’s been going through growth spurts, teething, and developmental leaps so he’s been having good days and really not so good days. Overall, he’s an amazing baby, and I look forward to seeing what comes next!

Here’s some pictures to bring you up to speed!

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No smiles on his 10 month bday…that was a rough day. ):

Thanks for hanging in there with me! This really is the toughest job there is, but we got this! Thanks for reading, my gals (and d00ds). Till next time!

Staying focused

Henlo again,

It’s past midnight, my son is fast asleep until at least 7:30 (I know, please don’t hurt meπŸŒ»πŸ˜‚πŸ˜˜), so the only thing to do is stay up and post another raw, non-proofread compulsive post. I promise my next uploads will be more structured and polished. πŸ’–

πŸ€”πŸ’­πŸ§ β›ˆ β€’Current Moodβ€’ πŸ’»πŸ–‹πŸ“πŸ‘πŸΌ

I’m sure you can all relate to Mom Brain, the thing that makes us compost the avocado mash and put the shells on the toast, the thing that makes us forget our middle name, that makes every single object go by the, “whatever-that-is,” and the thing that turns us all into Ozzy Osbourne of the Aughts:

This meme was me AF during my pregnancy, tho πŸ€°πŸ»πŸ§Ÿβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜…πŸ’―

So, this is kind of another nonsense post to keep me in the habit of blogging. Between being a SAHM, a freelancer/proofreader, writing for a website called, “Geeks Under Grace” attempting to ghost write for my FIL, trying to make sure my family eats right, working out…the list goes on…some things fall to the wayside. Things like the laundry, dishes, and entertaining the idea of not neglecting my own creative undertakings.

I know I don’t need to tell you that the balancing act of performing at work, keeping up the house, maintaining a social and romantic life, staying in good mental and physical health is a tough endeavor in and of itself, now add keeping a baby alive and…it’s the SIMS on crack. But we can’t turn it off…and there’s no motherlode cheat.

While it’s easier said than done, finding an outlet is super important. Self care will help you better care for your baby/ies. Even if it’s just for a half hour while the rest of the house sleeps, enjoying a nice glass of wine and seeing what that netflix series everyone keeps going on about is all about.

Even if the only time you can catch a break is once a week–catch that break with a Master Ball! Don’t let that legendary get away! A little time to yourself is super effective in boosting your Mom HP.

I’ll have a more in-depth post on how to get away and sneak self-care into your Mom routine–a parental escape-rope, if you will. So stay tuned. πŸ˜‰

Btw, if you don’t play PokΓ©mon I apologize for all of my poke references–if you do, did yo catch em all? πŸ˜‚ #momscandadjoketoo

So this post turned out longer than I thought it would! TL;DR: Self care is essential, so try and get it while you can! More on this later!

Stay tuned for overwhelmingly important content! Want to hear some pregnancy discovery stories and first trimester testimonies and tips? Will I do a what’s/was-in-my-Hospital-bag post? How will it be different from the other over 9000 blogs/vlogs out there? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!!!!1!!!11!!!

…I need to go to bed. πŸ˜… Thanks for reading!! Talk soon 😘😘

Welcome, Fremds

Henlo there!

Okay, so this first post is honestly just to get myself into the habit of actually blogging, so it may not be the most polished and there may be a few typos (insert β€˜sent from my iPhone footer here), which is honestly super cringy for a grammarnazi like me, but I just need to get this started.

It may not seem like it to most, but ya grrl going through some things right now (but aren’t we all?), and this platform may just be the outlet I need to heal. And I hope I can help people along the way.

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My son and I πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦πŸ’žThis lil d00d changed my life πŸ’–

So, what is β€œScrunchymomz” all about? Is it a play on the fact that I, and old Millennial, born in the first year of the last decade of the 20th century can physically remember when people unironically wore those huge scrunchies in their over-hair sprayed hair? Well, yeah, I do remember that, but no, that’s not what I mean.

So like PokΓ©mon, there are actually several different Mom β€œtypes,” two of which are β€œSilky,” and β€œCrunchy.” Its my understanding that Silky Moms are all modern, full Supporters of formula feeding, modern medicine, etc. Crunchy Moms are the oppositeβ€”all natural, vehement breast-feeders, naturopathic care, etc.

So now you can probably make determinations that β€œScrunchy” is between the two, and that’s where I fall. I’m a baby-wearing (Crunchy), formula-feeding (Silky), organic-supplementing (Crunchy), CDC-pediatric-schedule-following (Silky), and so much more Scrunchy Mom, just making it up as I go.

So I know it’s only a matter of time until my son, 4 months old, wakes up, so I must make this brief, but in summary, I hope to make sense of my Momventure through this blog, and help you Moms (and Dads) who may be wondering what tf you’re doing, like me. If you’ve read this far, thank you!

Some things to come: Pregnancy memories and how I hacked it, Labor and delivery Story, breastfeeding pratfalls, tips and tricks, DIY’s and upcycling, and more!

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Holiday Card blooperβ€”gotta grab Dad’s beard πŸ˜‚