Just needed to write something to fill in the void that has been my blog since my last post.
I actually have two and a half drafts saved, one of which I keep going back to and slowly editing. But I keep leaving it as a draft because I can’t get myself to be happy with it.
It’s also kind of hard to take time to write when I’m constantly having to stop one or both of the boys from getting into something.
And I’ll be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out lately. Mikey has been going through a sleep regression, Vinny and I have been doing a little better about navigating the terrible two’s, but when he has bad days, they’re BAD, both of our cars (one of which is new to us and we got it for more car space) have been having issues, I’ve been falling behind on the house, I’ve been falling behind on writing requests and projects, and the holidays and all that goes with it is just the cherry on top of my mental flat-lined-ness.
(I wrote a post last year on how not to stress around the holidays, so that’s not getting to me too too much, but it’s just that last little detail that needs attention, you know?)
On top of that, I’ve just been feeling a little discouraged when it comes to the blog. I hate to say it, but I’ve been kind of sad about how small my following still is on here and my social media. I feel sort of like I’ve flopped, I guess.
I know it can take a while to get a following, if you get one at all, and it takes a lot of work to do it the right way. And I know this is a saturated market these days, so I totally get that it’s easy to get lost in the crowd.
Sometimes I worry about my skills as a writer. I often feel like I’ve lost my touch after having kids. I worry that people don’t like what I put out, and that I’m no good at this, so sometimes I either get too self conscious or I just think, “why bother?”
But then I think about those times I have gotten random comments on some of my older posts. The ones who have thanked me for writing about a certain topic, the ones who have told me that I have helped them through a struggle, the ones who have shared a laugh with me at some of the pratfalls of parenting.
Then I think about all of the times I’ve searched something on Pinterest and how that search led me to a blog post that got me through something, or gave me instructions for a fun activity for my boys, or just made me realize that I’m not alone in some things. I don’t think I commented on many of those, let alone thought to follow them at the time, so they have no way of knowing that they helped me–but they did.
So maybe, even though I don’t have many followers to show for it, I have made a difference for some Moms out there. Even if I feel like I’m not so good at this.
I started this blog for a few reasons: for fun, to help me through postpartum depression, to make sense of my experiences, to keep up my writing skills out of work, and to help other Moms–particularly other Scrunchy Moms like me!
The Moms who use screen time, but don’t like GMO’s. The Moms who only buy sustainably sourced clothes, but who will get a happy meal once in a while because it’s been a day. The Moms who cloth diaper, but formula feed. And all the other Moms in between.
Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that and got wrapped up in the Influencer rat race.
I know that God put a knack and interest in writing in my heart for a reason. I’m meant to do something with this to carry out His work. So, if I can help even just one Mom with something every few posts, or help ease one Mom’s loneliness, or just give one Mom a laugh, then what does it matter what number the subscribers list reflects?
I know I’ll probably get discouraged again, it’s only natural. But I will continue to post blogs, update my Instagram stories, and put up Instagram shoots even if it’s just for myself and my friends and family. Because it’s something I’m doing for me, and I think that’s important to have as a Mom.
Anyways, thanks for reading! I’ll have a real post up within this next week, hopefully!
Until next time, take care!!