It’s 3:25am. I’m awake. Not because my Baby is in need of anything. We’ve actually been blessed with a baby that’s been sleeping a good 6-8 hours since around two months. I’m awake because. Just because.
I realized that I hadn’t written my “first blog post” and it was bothering me that I couldn’t figure out how to just delete it so I’m being OCD and filling it.
I can hear my husband snore from the living room through closed doors…
I wrote a parody of my current situation:
“Hello, futon, my old friend. I’ve come to sleep on you again. Because my husband’s loud, disturbing breathing is impeding my sleeping. And the noise that has reverberated in my brain, still remains…I seek the sound of silence… 😴🛋🛌“
Check out the blog post after this one for the true first blog post. Thanks for staying up with me 😘😘
More scrunchymomz adventures, personal stories, tips and tricks, and some fun DIY/upcycles to come! Talk soon!
Hallmark movies walked so that Netflix Originals could run.
I am a sucker for objectively lame Christmas movies. Your Christmas Prince sagas, Princess Switch, Knight Before Christmas–you name it, I’m all there.
I was looking for a bad Christmas movie to play in the background while I did all of my last minute holiday prep. Some inane nonsense to drone on and distract me from the monotony of my tasks. So I put this on.
And I had to pause it because dammit I actually loved it.
I don’t know what it was. The way everything connects, the heart, the emotion. I can’t explain it. It just spoke to me.
Is it objectively good? That’s up for debate. My thing is it struck a chord with me.
My youth is so far behind me now. And this film reminded me of that. Normally that fact would make me wilt with despair, but for some reason this uplifted me tonight.
Watching this movie, snug on my couch in a wooly blanket, strawberry wine in a mug and chocolate chip cookies from a tin, gifts wrapped and chores (mostly) done, husband out playing some reindeer games with a couple of our old friends, just feeling the peaceful presence of my two sons sleeping, dreaming upstairs in their rooms, no doubt visions of sugarplums (or more likely raving crabs for Vinny) dancing in their heads. Just all of a sudden it hit me.
I am a Mom.
This moment of stillness, enraptured in this Netflix Original John Green world I had found myself in, I pulled myself back because it all felt so familiar to me. The wild ride of relationships, friendships, painful awkwardness, young love, existential questioning, existential acceptance, just all of it. I was there.
And now I’m here. Enjoying a moment of quiet amidst the miraculous chaos that is motherhood. Reveling in the eye of the storm that is a summer sunshower and a roaring blizzard all at once.
I don’t really know what I’m saying. At least not to you. It all makes sense to me. So I feel compelled to share it.
I wanted to hate this film. But I love it, because it reminded me that a chapter in my life has closed. And I used to mourn that.
Now it feels complete.
I may fall back into my phase of life fearing ways once the strawberry wine and life high wears off, but for now, I want to thank Let It Snow for not being as terrible as I was hoping.
And I want to thank God for blessing me with the gift that is growing up. It’s an opportunity I never appreciated properly.
Merry Christmas everyone. I will talk to you in a new decade.
Just needed to write something to fill in the void that has been my blog since my last post.
I actually have two and a half drafts saved, one of which I keep going back to and slowly editing. But I keep leaving it as a draft because I can’t get myself to be happy with it.
It’s also kind of hard to take time to write when I’m constantly having to stop one or both of the boys from getting into something.
And I’ll be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out lately. Mikey has been going through a sleep regression, Vinny and I have been doing a little better about navigating the terrible two’s, but when he has bad days, they’re BAD, both of our cars (one of which is new to us and we got it for more car space) have been having issues, I’ve been falling behind on the house, I’ve been falling behind on writing requests and projects, and the holidays and all that goes with it is just the cherry on top of my mental flat-lined-ness.
(I wrote a post last year on how not to stress around the holidays, so that’s not getting to me too too much, but it’s just that last little detail that needs attention, you know?)
On top of that, I’ve just been feeling a little discouraged when it comes to the blog. I hate to say it, but I’ve been kind of sad about how small my following still is on here and my social media. I feel sort of like I’ve flopped, I guess.
I know it can take a while to get a following, if you get one at all, and it takes a lot of work to do it the right way. And I know this is a saturated market these days, so I totally get that it’s easy to get lost in the crowd.
Sometimes I worry about my skills as a writer. I often feel like I’ve lost my touch after having kids. I worry that people don’t like what I put out, and that I’m no good at this, so sometimes I either get too self conscious or I just think, “why bother?”
But then I think about those times I have gotten random comments on some of my older posts. The ones who have thanked me for writing about a certain topic, the ones who have told me that I have helped them through a struggle, the ones who have shared a laugh with me at some of the pratfalls of parenting.
Then I think about all of the times I’ve searched something on Pinterest and how that search led me to a blog post that got me through something, or gave me instructions for a fun activity for my boys, or just made me realize that I’m not alone in some things. I don’t think I commented on many of those, let alone thought to follow them at the time, so they have no way of knowing that they helped me–but they did.
So maybe, even though I don’t have many followers to show for it, I have made a difference for some Moms out there. Even if I feel like I’m not so good at this.
I started this blog for a few reasons: for fun, to help me through postpartum depression, to make sense of my experiences, to keep up my writing skills out of work, and to help other Moms–particularly other Scrunchy Moms like me!
The Moms who use screen time, but don’t like GMO’s. The Moms who only buy sustainably sourced clothes, but who will get a happy meal once in a while because it’s been a day. The Moms who cloth diaper, but formula feed. And all the other Moms in between.
Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that and got wrapped up in the Influencer rat race.
I know that God put a knack and interest in writing in my heart for a reason. I’m meant to do something with this to carry out His work. So, if I can help even just one Mom with something every few posts, or help ease one Mom’s loneliness, or just give one Mom a laugh, then what does it matter what number the subscribers list reflects?
I know I’ll probably get discouraged again, it’s only natural. But I will continue to post blogs, update my Instagram stories, and put up Instagram shoots even if it’s just for myself and my friends and family. Because it’s something I’m doing for me, and I think that’s important to have as a Mom.
Anyways, thanks for reading! I’ll have a real post up within this next week, hopefully!