Why Your Mom’s Group Might Be Making You Depressed

AN: I wrote this way back in 2019, or, the year 1 B.C.- Before Covid. I have not touched the dumpster fire that is Facebook in a while. I’m like 2 months clean at this point. I’m also not seeking internet fame anymore. I’m over it.

But I felt like posting some drafts anyways. And I’m hoping maybe some of my content can actually help someone out there. Even just one person πŸ’• I’ve gotten a lot of help from stuff like this in the day.

There aren’t any fun pictures in this because I don’t feel like looking at it for all that long. I had meant to find some and insert them but I honestly can’t be bothered anymore

I’m totally “re branding” this whole thing at some point. But I don’t have a lot of spare time these days anyway. I don’t know what I’m saying. Anyway.

I have been saying for the longest time that I’m going to cut back on social media. And for a while, I had been doing okay!

But as with any addiction, there are victories and there are setbacks. And I’ve been having a few setbacks lately.

As I’ve said before, social media is a wonderful tool–but it’s like fire. If you use it in the correct way, things like Facebook and Instagram can help warm you through cold, lonely nights up late nursing or with a fussy baby as you commiserate with other moms.

But if you’re not careful, you can get burned. By comparison, mom-shame/guilt, etc.

Now I have gotten so much great advice from my multiple moms groups on Facebook. I’ve navigated through difficult phases, gotten reassurance for many different worries, and I’ve even had my chance to share my own helpful advice with other Moms in need.

Being a mom, especially a stay-at-home mom, can be lonely and isolating, so it’s great that we have access to hundreds of other moms who are along the same journey. Moms groups can also be a great place to escape when it’s too much.

But not all moms groups are created equally. As great as they are, I’ve recently come to find that there are some aspects of Moms groups that aren’t so uplifting.

If you’ve been feeling down lately and you’re not sure why, it could be your online Mom’s group. Or more specifically, certain types of posts in these Mom’s groups.

Here’s a few I’ve come across in my few years of motherhood in social media (keep in mind this is about no real person in particular, these examples are generalizations and personifications of posts. I’m know irl the Moms behind this content are out there doing their best like the rest of us):

The Show-Offs

We all love to share our kids’ accomplishments with family and friends. The second it looks like little Henri is about to take his first steps, we’ve got our phones out with our favorite Snapchat filter ready to capture it and send it to the Grandparents.

And who can blame us?? It’s exciting! The bittersweetness that is our babies growing is something that should be shared with everyone we love.

But why stop there? With the power of the internet literally in the palms of our hands, we can now also share these precious moments with extended family, friends, classmates, former co-workers…soon everyone on our feed will know that Jemmy has memorized her colors in French and Spanish and she’s not even 3 yet!

I think you get where I’m going. These are the Moms that feel compelled to brag about their little ones to their Mom’s pages. Because every Mom needs to know that Stacey’s little one is fully potty-trained (day AND night!!!1!1!!) at 11 months.

Don’t get me wrong, like I said before there is nothing wrong with being proud of your baby. And of course we want to celebrate other moms and their victories. I can’t stop anyone from going to share these moments with their groups, nor would I want to, really!

I say all that coming from the perspective of the Mom worrying about their own kids’ meeting or not meeting their milestones. For her, coming across these posts could just take the wind out her sails.

If you’ve been finding yourself in a place where you can’t help but compare apples to oranges, please keep in mind that all of our kids are like suns and moons and stars–they all shine in their own time (totally saw that on Facebook haha but it’s so true).

The Bullies

Let me just tell you, I have seen some stuff in the comments section of a few Moms groups that made it feel like I never left high school.

I can best describe some of the actions of these Moms as straight up cyber-bullying. I’ve seen posts tagging other moms just to drag them through the mud for disagreeing with one or a few of the other Moms, even going so far as to make mean memes using the other moms’ actual profile pictures.

And that’s not all. In some groups, I’ve seen them play “games” where they instruct members to tag a Mom they think is pretty, and another they think is ugly, and ask them to try to figure out who is who.

Personally, I think it’s a horrible thing for anyone to do, especially for moms to do to other moms! Our bodies go through so much to bring our beloved kids into the world. And putting all our focus into these beloved kids can leave us neglecting our overall appearance, so of course many tagged photos of us likely won’t always be very flattering.

Furthermore, we don’t fully know one anothers’ struggles. Someone’s comment in what is supposed to be a light-hearted game could really hurt another Mom, and could even lead to her spiraling into a dangerous state of mind.

With all of that being said, I still feel like these groups are very valuable. As I mentioned, it can get lonely being a SAHM, so these types of groups are great for tough-skinned Moms looking for ways to pass time while making connections with other Moms. They just might not be right for the faint-of-heart.

The Sancti-Mommies

As a “Scrunchy” Mom, I pride myself on being pretty flexible in my parenting style–not too far into any extreme. Personally, I feel like if you don’t take a little bit of everything, you’re only limiting yourself.

I don’t want to talk too badly about any Mom’s style. To me, as long as your kids are safe and happy, what should it matter what “methods,” or lack thereof you use? Whatever works for you and your kids, works for you and your kids.

So there’s no need to push your style on anyone else, or shame another Mom for deciding not to have her boy circumcised, or for feeding pre-jarred baby food instead of baby-led weaning, etc, etc.

I’ve seen Moms GO OFF on each other for their style of parenting. How they choose to discipline, how they potty train, you name it, there’s a Mom who had something to say, and not a lot of it nice.

I don’t see the harm in sharing whatever data you have that “proves” your way is effective to let Moms decide if it’s for them. But at the end of the day, I still maintain that as long as the kids are fed, sheltered, and loved, that is all that matters.

The Clique-y Moms

Not to be confused with the bullies.

Some groups may have names that attract Moms to join at first, but then they end up being filled with Moms whose philosophies don’t vibe with others’.

You might find after you join a certain Moms group that you’ve become inundated with posts that make you roll your eyes and/or cringe. Soon enough, you might find yourself in a time-suck of reading through comment threads that might be entertaining at first, but then before you know it, you’ve clicked through the whole group and suddenly naptime is almost over and you haven’t gotten anything done other than get annoyed.

Again, as I mentioned before, there’s nothing wrong with having a different Mom style. But if you’re part of a group where you don’t agree with other Moms, and might even be tempted to say something not-so-nice, perhaps it’s best to leave.

You might not realize it, but having a presence in that group and therefore being subject to its content may be contributing to a sudden bad mood.


Instagram is a whole other animal and has its own sub-categories:

The Beach Body/MLM Moms

Let me first say I personally have no problem with Moms who have found success with Beach Body or any other MLM. I also have no problem with being approached by Moms for potential business with them. I’m a big believer in nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I welcome any inquiries, and if I can afford it, I MIGHT buy something. But I have done all of my homework, and have decided long ago that MLM just is not for me.

It’s when it becomes spammy or predatory that I have an issue. I’ve read about Moms targeting plus-sized Mamas or Moms who, “Look like they could use some help.” These MLMoms basically make the Moms feel bad about their appearance and convince them to become a part of their team, possibly with them not fully understanding and only joining hoping they might find success.

And that’s not ok, ok?

The Mommy Influencers

I’ve come across a lot of Insta-Moms sharing things called, “Follow Trains.” In these posts, a Mom will tag several other Moms and instruct potential likers to like the “Follow Train” post, go to the listed users’ pages and follow all of them, and THEN like ALL of their “Follow Train” posts AND comment either a certain emoji or answer a question. All of this with the promise that MAYBE they will follow back or MAYBE feature random “inspiring” Moms in their Instagram stories.

These posts appeal to Moms who are trying to “organically” grow their following. I’ll admit, I’ve found myself a passenger on several Follow Trains recently. And it’s honestly led me to some really cool Moms, so I’m glad I did them! But, I’ve noticed them kind of bumming me out more than doing anything for my presence or feeling of self-actualization.

These types of posts can be a real time, energy, and self-esteem suck if you’re not careful. Like I said, they can lead to great connections and even more followers, but you need to know when to stop.

The Mommy Models

Not necessarily actual models or celebrities who are Moms, although how can we not at least subconsciously compare ourselves to these otherworldly beings, even though logically we know they’ve had their pictures most likely airbrushed and photoshopped?

I’m also talking about the Moms you may have added on a whim, or even Moms you know through varying degrees of separation. The ones who’ve always been thin, and who go to Instagram a few weeks postpartum, with their yoga pants and half shirt in a classic Instagram “horse stance (we all do it, I know),” looking the same as they did in High School with the caption “Can’t wait to get my body back!”

Or, the ones who say things like, “All these stretch marks, the loose skin, and the extra pounds are worth it for you!” Even though again, they look like they were just cut out of a magazine…

Are they just fishing for compliments? It’s very likely. Do they actually have body image issues after going through the dramatic transformation that is pregnancy, childbirth, and the fourth trimester? It’s very, very likely.

We don’t know each other’s stories, so we shouldn’t judge. But, it is hard not to feel inadequate when someone so seemingly fabulous is bashing her figure.

But please keep in mind, this is Instagram! It’s literally the grownup version of the Land Of Make Believe! With its filters, editing tools, and even its cohort apps, Beauty Plus and Facetune, most of what you see is brushed up.

Not only that, but you’re only seeing the very best of the best. Even the bad stuff is staged to look cutesy and aesthetic. Unless you step foot into another Mama’s actual world, who’s to say what’s really real?

I know that was a lot. And I’m not saying all this to tell you you have to remove yourself from any groups entirely. Not at all! Because like I said, any and every different type of Moms group has something to offer, for better or worse.

Personally, I have started snoozing or unfollowing the groups that I found to be bringing me down more than lifting me up. That way I’m still a part of them and can visit them from time to time or go to them with a question. But this way I don’t have to constantly see the parts of these groups that bum me out or irritate me.

I’ve also discovered that the groups that include words like “Support,” or, “No-judgement” are the best places to ask a question, as you are less likely to get the less sympathetic or “sancti-mommies” making you feel bad for not knowing something.

And of course, cutting back on social media in general does wonders for mental health. Easier said than done, I know, but just like little Henri, it’s those baby steps that lead to big change!

Have any of you Mamas noticed your online groups bringing you down? How do you handle a social media-induced funk? Let us know in the comments!



Don’t Leave Home Without It! πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©

(I know I said I’d post about reusing formula tins and scoops, but I’m sickly, tired, and I need to vent about this. It may not be very coherent, but I present to you my horror story)

My Gals.

Today was a day.

So it started out okay, went to the doctor for a good old Pap smear and blood test, and found out I have a virus making its way through me. 😷 Nothing a little vitamin c and rest won’t fix, tho.

Except there ain’t no rest for the momkind. Not even when we close our eyes for good, because we all know we’re gonna be hovering over our kids as ghosts just to make sure they’re taking their centrum and brushing their dentures.

But I digress.

So I’m running around feeling sick as a dog, getting my doctor stuff done, getting a phone interview done, running to the bank to get some cash for OfferUp Baby Supplies purchases I had lined up and fixing my debit card, and then I had to pick up my son who was at my mother’s so I could bring him to his 6 month checkup.

Well everything was running relatively smoothly, albeit tight. When what do my new super mom-ears should hear, but my darling son grunting and pushing into his rear.

Okay, so he’s pooping. I think to myself as I approach the halfway point between my mother’s and my family practice. I can just change him real quick at the doctor’s.

Except, oh wait, no I can’t…left the damn diaper bag at Mom’s for the sake of saving a good two minutes. Didn’t think I’d need it in the one hour and change I would be out.

Big. Mistake. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

I pull into the country store on the way to the doctor and take my boi out and point out a grinning bulldog for him to reciprocate the sanguine gesture to. Then we wander around the tiny shop in search of a pack of overpriced diapers and a 10 pack of wipes.

Well, quite the assortment of condoms, but no baby amenities…

I hastily made a hand sanitizer purchase and made my way out, having my son wave bye-bye to the smiling doggie. As I went to put him in his car seat, I felt something drip down my wrist.

I looked down in hopes of seeing drool, but no such luck…

This was a big one.

In a viral, mind-hazed panic, I raced to the CVS down the street from my Doctor’s office. We wandered around looking for the smallest pack of diapers and wipes to get us by in this emergency situation, but I swear the price tag of every item read, “Arm, Leg, and Kidney.” In desperation I grabbed a 28 pack of size four diapers and a to-go pallet of store-brand wipes.

After I gave the convenience store clerk the down payment on a Ferrari in exchange for some infant essentials, I made our way to the bathroom, awkwardly dodging yet to be stocked inventory and pulling the plastic bag out of my son’s Kung-fu grip.

So we get into the ladies room and naturally, it is equipped with everything but a changing station…so I have to make due with what I’ve got. I pull my son’s shorts off to confirm that they have indeed been compromised, so I have no choice but to have him go without.

Let me just tell you, changing a category 6 diaper in a car seat on the floor of a public restroom is literally the worst.

πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’© e v e r y w h e r e πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©

While I’m sweating like a mofo, I wrestle with my son to keep his hands out of his diaper whilst simultaneously trying to pry single wipes out of this cheap container like medieval basic bros trying to pry Excalibur from the fabled stone, only to have them come out three and four at a time. It’s either peel them apart and save some of them and risk my little boy do what little boys do and have all hell break loose, or sacrifice a few wipes in the interest of getting him clean.

And that is how that whole entire inventory of wipes got cleared tf out.

This whole time he’s squirming, uncomfortable, and crying, people are beginning to knock, and I’m losing balance while trying to get him clean without getting anything over his car seat. It was a challenge to say the least.

Finally I manage to get him cleaned up as best I can, throw the diaper in the open trash receptacle (in retrospect I totally forgot to cover it so I feel bad for whoever walked in on that…) and get the dock out of fudge, of course 10 minutes late at this point, with my baby in a tank top and diaper only.

And so now I have to desperately explain to the receptionist, who very patiently and politely pretends to listen to my plight, the series of events that just unfolded in hopes that I will not look like a neglectful parent. To what avail, I’m not sure…

We get our favorite medical assistant, at least, and we get him measured and weighed. Then the doctor comes in to look him over and of course I look down when he removes his diaper to see that I had MiSSeD a sPoT when I was cleaning 😨😰😩 But other than that, he got a squeaky clean bill of health. At least something was clean today…

So we finish up the 6 month requirements and go to check out and make his 9 month visit, all while I try to face his car seat away from people so they don’t see my baby in just a diaper and shirt like the son of rif-raf. Once I take the appointment card and go to do my walk of shame, what should happen but a convoy of the slowest moving people make their way into the practice, while others make their way out, all looking at my practically naked child, and then to me, judgement clearly plastered on their faces. I made my way to the car, buckled my upset son in, and made my way home in a sickly, sulky funk.

While all of this was happening, I felt like the biggest loser of a Mom. I started thinking crazy thoughts like, “I can’t do this!” And, “I don’t deserve to be a mom…” I let this one time I was not overprepared have me believe that I was a failure and a bad mom. I know you’ve been there, too, and I know I’ll be there again. We all have those #momfail moments that drain almost all of our HP and make us want to ragequit. But we know we can’t, and so we persevere.

I had a long talk with myself and realized that if I really was a bad mom, I wouldn’t have felt as badly as I did. I realize that I made a mistake, I did all I could do at the time to correct it, and I’ve learned from it. I know now that I should always have supplies on me, even if I’m only out with my son for an hour or even less, because you really never know when the Call of Doodie will strike.

So my Gals (and d00ds), be sure to keep an extra bag full of diapers, wipes, creams, powders, etc, and most importantly a change of clothes in your car at all times!! Learn from my mistakes!

We all feel like we suck at this game, but we got this!! It doesn’t get any easier, but we are always leveling up to meet whatever boss battles come our way.

Thanks for reading! Next post will be on ways to reuse those formula cans and scoops so you can really get your money’s worth!!