When we first talked about having another baby so soon after our first, somehow I had gotten it into my head that the next one would be a little girl. 👧👗💅🎀💖👑
So convinced was I of this that I had even purchased (from consignment, of course) some girl clothes I had come across and couldn’t resist and had begun saving girly items for a possible sprinkle I’d have for her. I’d even had her name picked out (She was going to be named after someone very, very special💖). I had even made a Pinterest Board with her name containing the matching outfits we’d wear and hairstyles I could attempt on her. 👗💄👠👝💇💅🥰
Almost all of my pregnancy symptoms were even “indicative” of a girl–wicked morning sickness, 🤢🤮 carrying high, 🤰massive breakouts, 🌋😬 etc. I even found myself instinctively calling the baby “she” and “her” in the early weeks. Friends and family were even convinced of it. I was so happy.
But then at my 19 week scan, the ultrasound tech said those three words…
👦🔵”It’s a boy.” She stated, almost too matter-of-fact-ly.
My heart sunk. 💔💔💔 I must have asked the technician, much to her annoyance, three times if she was sure, and to each question she would reply with a cold “Yes.” I can remember watching her type “Boy” over the anatomy in slow, deliberate keystrokes.
I still hate to admit it, but I cried. I hadn’t cried much this pregnancy, but I did that day, on the examination table. I was devastated. 💔💔💔
I know that sounds terrible. After all, he was perfect! Healthy, measuring on time, no concerns 🙌🙏 …but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy.
I cried and cried all that weekend. I was inconsolable. I couldn’t get out of bed. My melancholy continued into that next week, as all I could think of was that I wasn’t getting the little girl I had dreamed of this whole year.
I had begun to suspect that I’d been having issues with prenatal depression leading up to this, too, so I know that’s also a big part of what was making this such a big deal. I stopped eating right when my birthday and anniversary came and went that month, and really let myself go when I found out the gender. I’m paying for that now. 😓😓
💻⌨💬I ended up reading and posting on a lot of forums regarding Gender Disappointment and learned that what I was going through wasn’t completely abnormal. It turns out what I had done was created this person in my head and my heart, and had made her “real.” I hadn’t prepared myself for the very real possibility that this baby would be a “he.” I had gone into this pregnancy believing that I was coming out of it with “my” girl, but this wasn’t going to happen. 🤷♀️😞
💯God had other plans💯
It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with all of this. Truthfully, more than three months later, I still struggle a tiny bit. I still see pictures of my niece and my friends’ little girls and I feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy. And sometimes I lay awake worrying that it will never happen for me…
💔How I Got Over It💙
One thing I’ve learned from all of this is that I can plan for something all I want, but God’s plan is better, and it will always prevail. 💯 And if you don’t believe that, then maybe look at it this way: everything in life, good and bad, happens for a reason. If you’re going through a hard time right now, it’s going to make you stronger, 💪 and it’s going to lead you to where you need to be.
That’s what this is for me.
Finding out my baby was a boy was what led me to Perinatal counseling. 📒🧠😌 I had been debating going before, but didn’t want to take the time and have to have another thing that I’d need babysitting for. But when I went through my gender disappointment, I finally made an appointment, and I’ve been working through some other things that are actually really helping in other aspects of my life. 🙌😁
It was really hard for me to look on the bright side at first, as everyone was trying to help me with. But I knew that I had to get through it, so I made a physical list of all the good. In doing so I’ve been able to see that while it might still be a little devastating for me, there’s really so much to be happy about. ♥♥♥
- First, I have a healthy baby, that’s plenty to be thankful for. 👶👣🙏
- Second, Vinny will still have a little sibling close in age, which comes with all of the benefits I listed in a previous post. 👦💙👶
- Next, it’s another boy, so my husband gets more chances to have his family name passed down in a traditional sense (almost all of his cousins are female, or have a different last name, and he his only sibling is my sister-in-law, so the family name depends on my husband and two of his significantly younger boy cousins), which I know is important to him. 😌💗
- Furthermore, as Vinny is named after my husband’s father and grandfather, Michael (Mikey) is named after my father and shares my grandfather’s name. Plus, Vinny was even born in the same month as my FIL and Mikey is due the same month as my Dad’s birthday! Talk about serendipity 💕💞
- Finally, he’s my baby. 🤰🤱👶🥰 He’s part of me and the love of my life. If that’s not a reason to be happy, I don’t know what else is.
So maybe I didn’t get my way this time. And who knows what we’ll get in the future? But God willing, someday soon I’ll be able to throw that “Girl Power Superhero Sprinkle” I had already planned in my head, and my little girl will have two super brothers to look out for her and show her how to be her own hero. 🦸♂️🦸♀️🦸♂️🙏😂💖
Now Mikey has something of his own aside from his brother’s hand-me-downs. 😊😊 90 percent of his wardrobe is going to be passed down from Vinny. 😂👕👖🤷♀️
And honestly, I can’t wait to see him in it. And I can’t wait to welcome him into our family. 💗👨👩👦👦🥰
Have you or someone you know experienced gender disappointment? How did you overcome it? Any other tips for readers? Post them in the comments!
Thanks for reading, my gals! 😍🥰😘 Stay tuned and I’ll tell you about how spending less time with my son makes me a better Mom. 😅👩👦💓
2 thoughts on “The “Boy-Or-Girl Blues,” How I Got Over My Gender Disappointment”
Thank you. Tonight, I needed this- I’ve searched and searched for someone who identifies with me. And you’ve come so close- the sting and the hurt is real. I’m not to the point in finding the happy- and that is because I am so depressed, we’re done after this guy- I already have two and this will be our third. NOTHING I can do will change that. I only hope to start loving him more, and to stop mourning the little girl I will never have.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course❤️ It’s more common than you would think. A lot of people don’t understand. And it’s okay if you’re not there yet, it will take time. It’s very hard, with this one being your last. It’s painful, it feels unfair, and you’re allowed to mourn. Hormones don’t make it any better.
It helped me to keep talking it out and not hiding my feelings. The more you let it out, the easier it will be to eventually let it go. I still struggle and he’s due in three weeks, but it has gotten better.
Every child is a blessing, we all know this. And we love our children. But we’re allowed to mourn a part of our lives we dreamed of that hasn’t happened for us. People mourn lost job opportunities, houses that got purchased before them, etc. It’s devastating when an area of your life doesn’t play out. But everything truly happens for a reason. In time it will make sense.
Hang in there, Mama. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Just keep doing your best day by day.