The “Boy-Or-Girl Blues,” How I Got Over My Gender Disappointment

When we first talked about having another baby so soon after our first, somehow I had gotten it into my head that the next one would be a little girl. ๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘—๐Ÿ’…๐ŸŽ€๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ‘‘

So convinced was I of this that I had even purchased (from consignment, of course) some girl clothes I had come across and couldn’t resist and had begun saving girly items for a possible sprinkle I’d have for her. I’d even had her name picked out (She was going to be named after someone very, very special๐Ÿ’–). I had even made a Pinterest Board with her name containing the matching outfits we’d wear and hairstyles I could attempt on her. ๐Ÿ‘—๐Ÿ’„๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’‡๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿฅฐ

Almost all of my pregnancy symptoms were even “indicative” of a girl–wicked morning sickness, ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฎ carrying high,ย ๐Ÿคฐmassive breakouts, ๐ŸŒ‹๐Ÿ˜ฌ etc. I even found myself instinctively calling the baby “she” and “her” in the early weeks. Friends and family were even convinced of it. I was so happy.

But then at my 19 week scan, the ultrasound tech said those three words…

๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ”ต”It’s a boy.” She stated, almost too matter-of-fact-ly.

My heart sunk. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’” I must have asked the technician, much to her annoyance, three times if she was sure, and to each question she would reply with a cold “Yes.” I can remember watching her type “Boy” over the anatomy in slow, deliberate keystrokes.

I still hate to admit it, but I cried. I hadn’t cried much this pregnancy, but I did that day, on the examination table. I was devastated. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”

I know that sounds terrible. After all, he was perfect! Healthy, measuring on time, no concerns ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™ …but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy.

I cried and cried all that weekend. I was inconsolable. I couldn’t get out of bed. My melancholy continued into that next week, as all I could think of was that I wasn’t getting the little girl I had dreamed of this whole year.

I had begun to suspect that I’d been having issues with prenatal depression leading up to this, too, so I know that’s also a big part of what was making this such a big deal. I stopped eating right when my birthday and anniversary came and went that month, and really let myself go when I found out the gender. I’m paying for that now. ๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“

๐Ÿ’ปโŒจ๐Ÿ’ฌI ended up reading and posting on a lot of forums regarding Gender Disappointment and learned that what I was going through wasn’t completely abnormal. It turns out what I had done was created this person in my head and my heart, and had made her “real.” I hadn’t prepared myself for the very real possibility that this baby would be a “he.” I had gone into this pregnancy believing that I was coming out of it with “my” girl, but this wasn’t going to happen. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ž

๐Ÿ’ฏGod had other plans๐Ÿ’ฏ

It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with all of this. Truthfully, more than three months later, I still struggle a tiny bit. I still see pictures of my niece and my friends’ little girls and I feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy. And sometimes I lay awake worrying that it will never happen for me…

๐Ÿ’”How I Got Over It๐Ÿ’™

One thing I’ve learned from all of this is that I can plan for something all I want, but God’s plan is better, and it will always prevail. ๐Ÿ’ฏ And if you don’t believe that, then maybe look at it this way: everything in life, good and bad, happens for a reason. If you’re going through a hard time right now, it’s going to make you stronger, ๐Ÿ’ชย and it’s going to lead you to where you need to be.

That’s what this is for me.

Finding out my baby was a boy was what led me to Perinatal counseling. ๐Ÿ“’๐Ÿง ๐Ÿ˜Œ I had been debating going before, but didn’t want to take the time and have to have another thing that I’d need babysitting for. But when I went through my gender disappointment, I finally made an appointment, and I’ve been working through some other things that are actually really helping in other aspects of my life. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜

It was really hard for me to look on the bright side at first, as everyone was trying to help me with. But I knew that I had to get through it, so I made a physical list of all the good. In doing so I’ve been able toย  see that while it might still be a little devastating for me, there’s really so much to be happy about. โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ

  • First, I have a healthy baby, that’s plenty to be thankful for.ย ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ™
  • Second, Vinny will still have a little sibling close in age, which comes with all of the benefits I listed in a previous post. ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ‘ถ
  • Next, it’s another boy, so my husband gets more chances to have his family name passed down in a traditional sense (almost all of his cousins are female, or have a different last name, and he his only sibling is my sister-in-law, so the family name depends on my husband and two of his significantly younger boy cousins), which I know is important to him. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ’—
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๐Ÿ’šOur Second Baby๐Ÿ’š
  • Furthermore, as Vinny is named after my husband’s father and grandfather, Michael (Mikey) is named after my father and shares my grandfather’s name. Plus, Vinny was even born in the same month as my FIL and Mikey is due the same month as my Dad’s birthday! Talk about serendipity ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ž
  • Finally, he’s my baby. ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿฅฐ He’s part of me and the love of my life. If that’s not a reason to be happy, I don’t know what else is.

So maybe I didn’t get my way this time. And who knows what we’ll get in the future? But God willing, someday soon I’ll be able to throw that “Girl Power Superhero Sprinkle” I had already planned in my head, and my little girl will have two super brothers to look out for her and show her how to be her own hero. ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’–


I had also bought Mikey his own coming home outfit to help make me feel better. I try not to make retail therapy a habit as I have in the past, but it did help a little looking through Etsy at all of the creative, personalized newborn outfits and coming across this little gem. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Now Mikey has something of his own aside from his brother’s hand-me-downs. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š 90 percent of his wardrobe is going to be passed down from Vinny. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘•๐Ÿ‘–๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

And honestly, I can’t wait to see him in it. And I can’t wait to welcome him into our family. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿฅฐ


Have you or someone you know experienced gender disappointment? How did you overcome it? Any other tips for readers? Post them in the comments!

Thanks for reading, my gals! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜ Stay tuned and I’ll tell you about how spending less time with my son makes me a better Mom. ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’“

How You Can Throw Your Babyโ€™s First Birthday Under $100!

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Our Mr. One-Derful on his official first birthday ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅฐ

The Force was strong with this little one on August 11, 2018, when we threw his very first birthday party with our friends. And then as of 9:26pm August 12, 2018, our little dinosaur officially turned a whole year old. 1๏ธโƒฃ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰

In an effort to make things less overwhelming for him, (which seemed to go well?) we decided to have two birthday parties for our son. One with our close friends–his nonbiological aunts and uncles–and one with our closest family–his biological aunts and uncles, as well as his cousin, grandparents and obviously us. ๐Ÿ‘ช

Some people go all out with their child’s first birthday. And honestly, I don’t blame them! It’s a big deal! You got your baby to survive a whole year! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œย That’s something to seriously celebrate!

Honestly, the first birthday party was as much for me as it was for my son. Despite how incompetent I’ve felt these past 15 months, my son seems to be thriving. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ย This may just be testament to his strong will, but I have to stop and think where did he get that from? ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚

That being said, we didn’t have a few thousand dollars to put down on a big hall and guest appearances by the actual Spiderman, nor did we feel like taking out a birthday party loan (yes, apparently that’s a thing). But we still wanted to make it special. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

Since we had two birthday parties, we ended up spending closer to $150-75ish when it was all said and done (including pizza for guests), but for two parties, and considering how many people we had at our first one, I’ll still call that a win! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜™


๐ŸฐHow We Cut Costs Like Birthday Cake:

๐ŸŽˆFor decorations, I scoured Party City online for their best deals for Star Wars themed decorations, hit up Oriental Trading for all things dinosaur, and of course visited the dollar tree to fill in the gaps on the cheap. ๐Ÿ’ณ๐Ÿ’ฐ

 

๐Ÿ•For food for guests, we ordered pizzas and asked guests to bring along some simple snacks. ๐Ÿ˜‹ย We also made cupcakes for our both parties respectively, as this ended up being much cheaper than buying birthday cakes. ๐Ÿง

 

๐ŸŽ‚Aside from the pizza, the only expensive part food-wise was Vinny’s smash cakes, banana cake made with almond flour with a greek yogurt and honey frosting (there’s my crunchy side ๐Ÿ˜‚โœŒ๐ŸŒฑ).

 

๐Ÿ“–I also made an attempt at a “Year Book” for our son for his friends and family to sign, marking all of his milestones and memories from his first year of life. I didn’t give myself enough time to properly work on it, but when he reads it after he graduates high school, all that matters is that he’ll see what his friends and family wrote to him all those years ago. ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ˜ญ

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๐ŸŽตI tried so hard…
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…and got so far๐ŸŽถ

But I know what you’re all really here for. ๐Ÿ˜‰ย So, without further ado, here are some tips on how to save on first birthdays:


๐ŸŽ€Got Any Leftovers?

If you have friends or family that have already had babies, ask them if they’ve hung onto any first birthday supplies, or just party supplies in general. You never know what you can repurpose until you look! ๐Ÿ‘€

๐Ÿ’กFacebook Marketplace and local Moms Groups might be a good resource for this, as well! ๐Ÿ‘

๐Ÿ’ต๐ŸŒณHit Up the Dollar Tree!

Dollar stores can be hit or miss, but a lot of times they have the basics like table cloths, paper cups, plates, etc. It can be tempting to get all of the themed partyware you see at the expensive party stores, but they’re not all necessary. ๐Ÿ™…ย For example, we ordered Star Wars Plates and Cups at Party City, but only half of what we would need. Then we got the rest with a matching color scheme at the dollar store.

๐Ÿ‘‘For another example, if your little girl were to have a (Sofia the) 1st Birthday party, you could pick up a Sofia table cloth, and then one to two (depending on the size of your guest list) sets of Sofia cups, plates, and maybe napkins, and then get the rest in purple or white. And voila! A party fit for a little Princess on a Pauper’s budget. ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ‘›

Resisting the urge to splurge on themed decorations and instead opting for the color scheme of streamers, balloons, etc from the Dollar Tree will help save a few pennies, as well. ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽˆ

๐ŸกStay Close to Home.

People get the idea that they need to have their kids’ first birthdays at a big hall, and if that’s what your heart is set on, and you’ve been saving for it since before your baby was born, then go for it! But you’d be surprised what you can do with your own living space. ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿคฏ

If you don’t have much to work with, but have a friend or family member with more space, ask them ahead of time if they don’t mind you having the party there! You can bake them an extra set of cupcakes to thank them for their troubles.

๐Ÿ›๐ŸŽDon’t go all out for gifts.

This one is hard, more so for some than others. We Mamas want our kids to have the world, but the reality is they don’t need all of the latest toys. The truth is, they’ll play with them for a while but then forget all about them, or play with the dang box instead! ๐Ÿ“ฆ๐Ÿ˜ซ

I love sticking to the minimalist gift rule every birthday and Christmas for my little ones, because more than likely they’ll be getting a bunch of gifts from friends and family as well. ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’“Again, I totally get that rush from seeing your kids light up when they get that popular toy. But trust me, they’ll be okay without the entire LOL Dolls or Ninjago set. They might even be better for it. ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’“


Vinny’s first birthday was bittersweet. ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜ญย A year really flew by, and the the years will start coming and they won’t stop coming and soon enough he’ll be 18…ย ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ตย I try not to think about it too much, despite how much I mutter under my breath that I can’t wait for him to go school when he’s driving me crazy. ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช

How many of you have the big Oh-One coming up? How many of you have already had it? What is/was your theme? Any other tips for readers? Leave them in the comments! ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ˜™

๐Ÿ’–Thanks for reading, my gals! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜ย Next time I’ll get into how I worked through a sensitive pregnancy issue maybe some of you can relate to…

Our Growing Family: Twice The Chaos, Double The Love

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Holy 2 under 2, Batman! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Yes, as of writing this blog, I am 27 weeks pregnant with baby number 2! ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿ‘ถ2๏ธโƒฃ

Yes, as of writing this blog, my first is barely 1 year and 3 months old. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

Yes, at the time of my second child’s birth, my first son will barely be a year and a half old. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Yes, we (sort of) planned it this way. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Yes, I know I’m crazy. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคช

In all seriousness, as scared as I am of the prospect of being a SAHM to 2 under 2, at the same time, I’m happy. ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

When I was younger, I always thought that when I had children they would be spaced 2 to even 3 years apart. I thought this for a few reasons. One, to give myself a break in between, ๐Ÿ˜…ย two, to have one potty trained by the time the next came along, ๐Ÿ’ฉย and three, so that I would have enough “time” with each baby before the next one. ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’ž

But when I got together with my husband, he had expressed wanting multiple children close together, as close together as actual Irish Twins…๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜จ๐Ÿ˜ฑย Who’s the crazy one now? ๐Ÿ˜‚

And while in my childfree days I thought this would be absolute lunacy, once we had our first baby, I got to rethinking. ๐Ÿค”

Having two younger brothers, I feel that having siblings made us all better people in certain ways. We had to share, overcome fights, and look out for each other. And while things might have been rough in our early years, as we all got a little older, we all became each others’ close friends in different ways. ๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ฌย And since we’re spaced about 2 years apart, I feel that the closer together my kids are, the closer they will be. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Here’s hoping! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ย I know I don’t know the future, but the more people I’ve talked to and met that have already had children in close succession, the more I heard that while it was rough at first, after a while it was the best thing that could have happened to their family. ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง

More often than not, I heard stories of siblings becoming best friends, playing with the same toys (cutting down on the “need” for more toys) and even going to school in almost the same grade so they could help each other through schoolwork and social woes. ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ’ฌ

And the way I see it, having a sibling so close will help make Vinny more compassionate. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿค—ย Since he’ll be so young when the next one comes along, having a sibling will be more of a way of life for him so he’ll be used to the concept of sharing and being kind. I’m hoping it will help shape him into a kind, compassionate soul. We’ll see when the next one comes along! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

But every family is different! Wether you have Irish Twins or a 10 year old with your next on the way, your family is perfect. God gives us what we need. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’—

So yeah, that’s about it! Later on I might have a post on how this pregnancy has been sooo different than the first. And in a not too distant future post, I’m going to touch on something a little heavy, which will explain why this announcement is so late! ๐Ÿ˜…

In the meantime, here’s some bump pictures I’ve taken to bring you up to speed. ๐Ÿ˜˜



Thanks so much for reading, my gals! Next time I’ll let you know how I made my eldest’s first birthday special on a budget! 1๏ธโƒฃ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿง๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ

Posts from my phone: Mean Mom Thoughts ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ’ญ

((This is a phone post so it’s not gonna be particularly fancy with gifs and memes I’m sorry ๐Ÿ˜ but I’m at least able to use emojis from phone posts, so w00t! ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ))

So clearly I didn’t end up posting the next week, or even the week after my last post. But, this is better than going 4+ months without posting anything, right? ๐Ÿ˜… I’m getting there, you guys!

The next post will actually be about how to repurpose old formula tins. Not that you couldn’t use your perfectly capable imaginations or look to Pinterest for ideas, but maybe, just maybe, I have some ideas that they don’t ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, being at home all of the time with my son is a blessing. It really is. Having said that though, after a while being a full time SAHM admittedly has kind of, well, sucked from time to time.

I’ve been having a rough go of it lately, for reasons I’ll get into later…but during these trying times, My patience has become paper thin. Actually, is there a substance thinner than paper?

My son has been going through his one year leap, too, and as a result he has been testier than usual. And on the particularly bad days, I’ve found myself thinking “mean thoughts.”

To be clear, these are not harmful nor destructive thoughts, just kind of, well, mean. I feel like I’m not the only one who’s thought similarly, though, so I’m here to share them with you!

Here are some Mean Mom Thoughts I’ve had and what they mean!


๐Ÿ’ญAdvice to women whose husbands ask you to about trying to start a family: You know how when you were a kid and you asked your parents for a puppy, kitten, what have you, and you promised to take care of them, feed them, clean up after them, etc? And how many of you actually held up your end of the bargain when you eventually got your beloved furry companion?

๐Ÿ’ญThis is like that. Like your parents and your dog, you will end up doing all of the hard work while your husband enjoys the fun parts like snuggling and playing, etc. It’s a bum deal. Proceed with caution.

((It should be noted that my husband is ๐Ÿ’ฏ percent the real deal when it comes to sharing the burden. He’s proactive and sympathetic, and I don’t know what I did to deserve him. I try to give him his well-deserved time off, too, although he claims helping out with our son is time off to him. Honestly, he is amazing. #dadsdontbabysit ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป))

๐Ÿ’ญ*child is wild’n out for absolutely no good reason*

๐Ÿ’ญ*googles if it’s harmful to the body to give night time cold medicine to someone who doesn’t have a cold*

((I would NEVER, of course, but sometimes…))

๐Ÿ’ญHusband: Idk I think it would be nice to have 5 or 6 kids…

๐Ÿ’ญMe: Well I’ll tell you what, they’re gonna be our live-in cleaning staff otherwise why would you do that to yourself? That’s the only reason people had that many kids back in the day, it’s the only logical explanation.

((Let it be known, I have nothing but admiration for people with 4+ kids. Seriously, more power to you! And I get the whole more to love mindset, but honestly, I’m walking the delicate tightrope of patience and sanity with just one, I cannot imagine what state I’d be in (mentally and maybe even geographically at some point…) if it were a bad day with three times the crazy I have now. God bless Moms of lots! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป))

๐Ÿ’ญ*Baby begins his waking klaxon call upstairs 2 minutes before anticipated to wake up time.*

๐Ÿ’ญ*Me, completely invested in a Netflix binge ignoring sink full of dishes and a pile of laundry with a two mile summit at the bottom of the staircase*

๐Ÿ’ญNah, d00d, he’s just talking in his sleep he’s fine. Carry on.

((Sure enough he usually isn’t just talking in his sleep and I do get myself up to tend to him. What becomes of the dishes and laundry is a story for another day…))

๐Ÿ’ญ*Grandparent asks if they can take the child for the day at the end of the week*

๐Ÿ’ญy3333e333eee333ee3333333eee333eee33t.

((We all need a break once in a while. Even the ones who are inseparable from their progeny at some point, I imagine, must need some space to b r e a t h e. Every Mom needs a MOMent to herself, for her health. I don’t feel too bad about this one. What’s that they say about empty cups?))


And for the sake of this being too long, I will end it here. I may or may not have a sequel to this, though. Most likely, yes.

Formula can story first, I promise!! ๐Ÿ˜œ

But long story short, we all have “Mean thoughts” as moms sometimes. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our little ones, nor does it mean we are actually mean moms. It means we are human, we are tired, and we are coping.

Hang in there, Mom. I see you. And I know you see me, too.

Thanks for reading, my gals! Now let’s see if I can make another post within a month! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

Trying to Avada Kadabra Self Doubt as a Mom and a Writer

Henlo, to all of my dedicated follower!

I’ve been putting this off for a long time now. It’s like I’ve been afraid of it, for some reason. And the longer I went without updating, the more afraid to post I’ve been. It’s become more than my signature procrastination at this point–I’ve been Stupefy’d with fear of failure/not being good enough.

I’ve almost been feeling like I’m losing my ability to write these days. Which is devastating, as writing has always been my primary source of expression. This is how I communicate. You would never guess if you actually had a face-to-face conversation with me that I am actually able to string words into sentences in any way.

These past few months I’ve felt like I’m no good at writing anymore. I’ve hated every single thing I’ve worked on, including this. I have a few drafts I haven’t posted for fear of whatever it is being the actual worst thing to ever be posted.ย I’ve been looking back on my old posts and have been cringing at the way they came out–way too long, the formatting is hard to look at, etc, so I’ve been afraid to keep going.

Basically I’ve been back on my bullshizz and I’m trying to come back.

I have Mom brain. Really bad. I can barely speak or understand my native language anymore, it seems, and I can’t look away from a task for more than two seconds before forgetting what it was that I had been doing. I leave lights on when I leave, drinks on top of cars–you name it, I’ve done it. Dory would be concerned for me.

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Grrl, same!

I’m sure this goes without saying, but once you have a child, the part of your brain reserved for memory, focus, and basic motor function is replaced with deciphering different cries, coming up with baby food recipes, and Raffi song lyrics.

Add Mom Brain to selling an apartment, buying a house, moving, and the pressure of freelancing, ghostwriting, and the subconscious desire to pursue ever-expanding personal projects with super-writer’s block/mental constipation, and that’s the equation for my semester-long silence on this blog.

I’d like for this to go somewhere. I want to believe that I have something to offer other Moms. But I know we all have to start somewhere, and we can’t improve what we give up on.

That’s why I can’t give up on this blog. Even if it’s a little incoherent now, I know it can’t get better unless I work on it. That’s why every week/bi-weekly I have to have some kind of post on here. Even if it doesn’t make sense or it, “isn’t that great.”

I’ve been so afraid and unsure of myself, comparing myself to other mom bloggers with bigger (actual) followings that I’ve allowed myself to be self-deprecating and self-sabatoging. It’s so easy to do as a Mom to compare yourself to others, and as a result feel completely incompetent and like every single thing you’re doing is wrong.

I’ve come to realize that if I give up on this, I’m partially giving up on myself, and I can’t allow that for a second. I have to set an example for my son. Of course it’s only natural and human to have doubts in everything, including ourselves, but we have to overcome them. I want my son to believe in himself, and in order for him to understand how, I have to model that for him.

I’m going to be working on updating the aesthetic of this blog and possibly getting my own domain name so maybe that will help with the performance anxiety a bit. So stay tuned on that!

Thank you for bearing with me. I know I keep promising that repurposing formula scoops/tins post. It’s coming, I swear!

Some updates for you:

We moved!

Recently we said goodbye to our old two bedroom, 650 sq ft apartment in favor of a townhouse twice the size and there’s so much more room for activities now! We are also right next to my SIL at Becoming Rivera!ย Vinny will be right next door to his baby cousin! โค โค โค

We anticipate doing several renovations to the house, but all aesthetic! I’ve never lived in a space this large, so it’s a little overwhelming. But we’re going to make it our own, even if we end up making it #nailedit experience.

Vinny

Vinny is ten months old as of June 12th! He’s already somewhat walking, and as always is completely ravenous all the time! He continues to grow like a weed! He’s been going through growth spurts, teething, and developmental leaps so he’s been having good days and really not so good days. Overall, he’s an amazing baby, and I look forward to seeing what comes next!

Here’s some pictures to bring you up to speed!

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No smiles on his 10 month bday…that was a rough day. ):

Thanks for hanging in there with me! This really is the toughest job there is, but we got this! Thanks for reading, my gals (and d00ds). Till next time!

RKO Outta Nowhereโ€”Bodyslammed by a Yearโ€™s worth of Feelings

Whatcha gonna do when menstrual-mania runs wild on you??

((I’m not the biggest wrestling fan, but the title just felt fitting))

So I’m up past my bedtime, my Baby sleeping against my chest, scrolling through social media when a link to Kylie’s secret pregnancy video diary/reveal/what-have-you pops onto my feed.

I scoff to myself. But click it for satisfaction of thought.

Now, Ya Grrl’s not normally one of those emotional, chick-flick-tropey, chocolate and tears type of gal. But something about this stupid video hit just right.

Maybe it’s because I’ve got my period, and I’m still acclimating to the Keto diet, which apparently does stuff to your hormones as the estrogen melts out of your adipose tissue (nature, you freaky), so all of that’s messing with me. But I got a little weepy.

It’s like all of the times I was “supposed” to cry and didn’t all came at me and pinned me to the mat–the positive pregnancy test, the first heartbeat, the first ultrasound/gender reveal, the baby shower, the birth…all of those times Moms normally cry, I didn’t have a tear to shed…

And then out of the deep blue this cheesy tabloid celebrity Baby video knocks the wind out of my tough girl persona sails (“It’s not like I like you, or anything, B a k a!!1!!1!! ๐Ÿ˜‚).

Don’t get me wrong, I get misty and I do cry, just maybe not as much as a normal girl? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

My baby, who was once a tiny little chia seed inside my belly, is now nearly 25 pounds of little man, and at 6 months fits into 12 month outfits. He went from a string-Bean troll doll to an actual baby to basically a toddler in under a year.

I feel like I didn’t embrace pregnancy and the half year stretch as much as I could have. Watching Kylie’s video made me wish I had taken the time to document more of my journey and connect with my son from the very beginning…maybe it could have helped with some of the issues I had in the third trimester and postpartum. I feel like I missed out on something somehow.

So maybe I blubbered a little bit like, well, a baby. But I can’t do it again, even if I want to, and I have to make the best of what I have right now.

And right now, I think I’ll snuggle my peacefully sleeping baby a little more, dry my eyes, eat a handful of Lily’s sugar free chocolate chips, and try to get some sleep myself.

Thanks for reading my Gals (and d00ds)!

^Sweet Dreams, Mon Gatito โค๏ธ๐Ÿฑ

Less is More: What We Got Our Son For Christmas

((Another phone post! Gotta keep up momentum! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜))

Henlo all! Hope your Christmases (if you celebrate it) were filled with love, good health, and fun! Ours was busy, but magical!

It was my son’s first Christmas, and got spoOo0o0oOo0o0iled! All of his family and friends were so excited to shower him with lovely gifts; clothes, toys, books, all of it very much appreciated! We’ll definitely enjoy them together for as long as possible.

While the generosity of our loved ones does not go unnoticed, having a 600 square foot apartment doesn’t leave us with much to work with in terms of storage. It was hard enough to keep our dwelling clean as a childfree couple (neither my husband nor I are the most organized people ๐Ÿ˜…), but add a baby into that mix and our little home quickly becomes a wampa cave.

This and the fact that we want our kids to be as non-materialistic as possible, and rely more on creativity and logic to independently entertain themselves, we’ve decided to adopt the minimalism rule of gift-giving: Something they like, something they need, something to wear, something to read. This is what we based our first Christmas gifts on for my son, and he not even being 5 months old, it doesn’t make much difference to him what we got, but I felt getting into the habit now and having him grow up with it will help make it just a way of life as he gets older. I’m working on getting my family and friends in on the concept, as well!

Anyway, here’s what we got for our son as a visual example!

Something He Likes

So as I mentioned, my son is just shy of 5 months, so he doesn’t really have much that he definitively likes aside from formula and shininess, but we kept in mind what he might like as he gets older and is able to play more independently

We found this guy on Amazon–we had gotten an Amazon gift card for our Baby shower which we used for gifts this year (we’d already gotten all we needed for our little guy), and found a waiting room toy for relatively cheap. We feel he’ll enjoy all of the multiple functions of this toy, the bead dragging, shape-fitting, etc, as he gets old enough to play on his own.

Something He Needs

Our Little Vinny has already had his first cold (at least we suspect so), so we purchased him some cold supplies. We found a nice all-natural version of vapo-rub for babies to rub on his chest and feet, an all-natural saline spray for stuffy nose, and fever bugs to stick on his forehead to see if he’s got a fever and/or bug!

Something to Wear

I had purchased a few holiday articles of clothing for Vinny in November, and saved this sweater for Christmas Eve and Christmas as his Something to Wear. The little reinfawn looked so cute in his ugly sweater ๐Ÿ˜ ๐ŸฆŒ

Something to Read

This book popped out at me while Amazon shopping, and I was instantly in love! It’s a simple book that helps encourage using your imagination by listing several animals and explaining why they, like Transformers, are “more than meets the eye.”So cute! And that’s our Baby’s first minimalist Christmas gift! What did your little ones get this year? Thinking of taking up minimalism? I’m addicted to minimalism on Pinterest, myself! Best wishes for the New Year! Tune in next time for the final installment of my first Pregnancy Saga: the Third Trimester!

20 Questions-Christmas Edition

Henlo!

So, I was challenged by my SIL at Becoming Rivera to answer these 20 Christmasy Questions. ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿผ๐ŸฆŒโ„๏ธ๐Ÿ•Š

They say when you have children, your Christmas spirit is rekindled, and the holiday has a brand new magic to it. โœจ I don’t know about you, but that’s definitely true for me. I’ve been so excited for Christmas this year, even though we have less money this year to buy gifts. I love buying things for other people, but having one income, a hungry, hungry caterpillar for a baby, and in the middle of buying a new house, there aren’t exactly a lot of extra funds to go around. ๐Ÿ’ธIt just so happened that this year we were able to purchase gifts with gift cards, and we had to stretch it out like Elastigirl and Mr. Fantastic. ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ

I thought having a limited budget would be stressful, but it’s actually been fun! It’s made me think harder about what I get my loved ones, ๐Ÿค” putting that much more meaning behind the gift, and I’ve also been making a lot more DIY gifts for yankee swaps and gift baskets. ๐Ÿค— I’ve been saving every glass jar we’ve gotten this last year, in the interest of keeping them out of the landfills, โ™ป๏ธย ๐ŸŒŽย and I’ve been able to make some adorable hot cocoa and cookie kits with them. ๐Ÿช โ˜•๏ธ

Of course I can’t forget I have this little nuggit this year ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’žย Best Christmas gift this world could offer โค๏ธ

All Dressed Up and ready for Target ๐ŸŽฏย ๐Ÿ˜‚

Okay, TL;DR, having a baby brings joy back into the holidays. I’m ready to observe my Savior’s birth surrounded by loved ones with my baby squished against me โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

Now for a lil festive game of 20 Questions!

1. Use one noise to describe how excited you are for Christmas:

โ€œYeeeeeeeh~” LoL A tired excitement ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜ด

2. Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

I did with my father’s second wife’s family as a child, and we did at my father’s last year, since he, my brothers and I are all over the place with significant others’ families to keep up with ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ž

3. What holiday traditions are you looking forward to most this year?

A lot of old and a little bit of new. I’m excited to go to my Abuelos-in-Law on Christmas Eve and be a part of a large, loving family ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ’ž and eat amazing, authentic Dominican food, ๐Ÿฅ˜๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿคคand then I can’t wait to roast bad Christmas movies with my Dad and brothers right after, ๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŽž then see my Dad, In-Laws, and Mom for Christmas. โค๏ธ๐ŸŽ„

I’m also excited to be implementing the minimalist Christmas gift rule of 4 (๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผsomething you like, โœ”๏ธsomething you need,ย ๐Ÿงฆsomething you wear, ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ๐Ÿ“–something youย read) for my son and future children. It’s super important to me to bring them up non-materialistic and against the pop cultural over saturation grain (as best as we can–and it’s okay to enjoy some of what popular culture has to offer, I just feel we let it run our lives sometimes, if that makes sense), so this minimalist guide will be the perfect way to help with that. #tryhardminimalist

Speaking of gifts, I can’t wait to give my siblings-in-law my lil Sobrina’s Christmas gift ๐Ÿ˜˜ ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ’–

4. Is your Christmas tree real or fake? Fake and 4′ ๐Ÿ˜‚

5. What is your favorite Christmas film?

The Star Wars Holiday Special ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

But seriously, It’s a Wonderful Life and Home Alone ๐Ÿ’–

6. Where do you usually spend your holiday?Christmas Eve my husband and I and now our son first visit my husband’s Abuelos, and then we go to my Dad’s house, then Christmas day we go back to my Dad’s, then to my husband’s parents’, and then reconvene with my brothers and my Mom. ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž

7. What is your favorite Christmas song?All I Want For Christmas Is You ๐Ÿ’‹ย ๐Ÿ˜˜ย O Holy Night ๐ŸŒŸย ๐Ÿ’ซย and Hark the Harold Angels Sing ๐Ÿ˜‡ย ๐ŸŽถย ๐ŸŽต

8. What is your all-time favorite holiday food/sweet treat?

For dinner food, green bean casserole, ham and stuffing, for dessert, ded velvet cake, gingerbread, pumpkin pie ๐Ÿฅงย ๐Ÿฐย ๐Ÿ˜‹

10. Be honest: do you like giving gifts or receiving gifts better?Giving gifts! As I mentioned, I love buying things for people, and I always just feel awkward when people get me things. ๐Ÿ˜…Unless it’s my husband, for some reason.

11. What is your favorite thing about Christmas?The observation of Jesus’s birth (my faith is very important to me), spending time with my loved ones, giving, and just the general warmth and whimsy of the holiday season. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

12. When do you start getting excited for Christmas?After Thanksgiving ๐Ÿฆƒ

13. What is the best Christmas gift youโ€™ve ever received?Although it terrified me, it was the news that I was going to be having a baby. ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿปย ๐Ÿคฑย ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿผย ๐Ÿผย ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโค๏ธ

15. As a kid, did a sibling ever receive a present that you wished was for you?One Christmas all of my brothers got Nintendo DS’s and I kind of wished I’d gottenย one, too, but the same year Iย was given a ย video camera, which was awesome, and a lot of silly indie-indie films and home videos came out of it, so I was and still am extremely grateful๐ŸŽž๐Ÿ“ฝ

16. What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?Honestly, right here โ„๏ธ

17. Most memorable Holiday moment?My very first Christmas with my in-laws, back when I had only been dating my husband for a matter of months. I felt extreme levels of Greg Focker awkwardness, but everyone was so genuinely excited to meet me, and I just remember being in awe of how openly loving and happy everyone was. And being overwhelmed by the volume, physical and audial, of the family. But it was magical, and I remember making it my Christmas wish that someday that I might be worthy of being a part of that family. โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’•

18. Do you make New Years resolutions? Do you stick to them?Sort of, and not really. But this year I plan on starting! โœ…

19. What makes the holidays special for you?L o v e. โค๏ธ

20. You have been granted one Christmas wishโ€ฆwhat will it be?To get back in shape ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜‚

So, that’s about it! I would challenge people, but I don’t know anyone else on this site yet, so if you feel so inclined, copy and paste these questions for your own blog, and tell your readers I sent you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Tune in next time for my second trimester story and tips and tricks! Have a very, very Merry Christmas full of fun, good health, and blessings. ๐Ÿ’—