The “Boy-Or-Girl Blues,” How I Got Over My Gender Disappointment

When we first talked about having another baby so soon after our first, somehow I had gotten it into my head that the next one would be a little girl. ๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘—๐Ÿ’…๐ŸŽ€๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ‘‘

So convinced was I of this that I had even purchased (from consignment, of course) some girl clothes I had come across and couldn’t resist and had begun saving girly items for a possible sprinkle I’d have for her. I’d even had her name picked out (She was going to be named after someone very, very special๐Ÿ’–). I had even made a Pinterest Board with her name containing the matching outfits we’d wear and hairstyles I could attempt on her. ๐Ÿ‘—๐Ÿ’„๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’‡๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿฅฐ

Almost all of my pregnancy symptoms were even “indicative” of a girl–wicked morning sickness, ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฎ carrying high,ย ๐Ÿคฐmassive breakouts, ๐ŸŒ‹๐Ÿ˜ฌ etc. I even found myself instinctively calling the baby “she” and “her” in the early weeks. Friends and family were even convinced of it. I was so happy.

But then at my 19 week scan, the ultrasound tech said those three words…

๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ”ต”It’s a boy.” She stated, almost too matter-of-fact-ly.

My heart sunk. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’” I must have asked the technician, much to her annoyance, three times if she was sure, and to each question she would reply with a cold “Yes.” I can remember watching her type “Boy” over the anatomy in slow, deliberate keystrokes.

I still hate to admit it, but I cried. I hadn’t cried much this pregnancy, but I did that day, on the examination table. I was devastated. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”

I know that sounds terrible. After all, he was perfect! Healthy, measuring on time, no concerns ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™ …but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy.

I cried and cried all that weekend. I was inconsolable. I couldn’t get out of bed. My melancholy continued into that next week, as all I could think of was that I wasn’t getting the little girl I had dreamed of this whole year.

I had begun to suspect that I’d been having issues with prenatal depression leading up to this, too, so I know that’s also a big part of what was making this such a big deal. I stopped eating right when my birthday and anniversary came and went that month, and really let myself go when I found out the gender. I’m paying for that now. ๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“

๐Ÿ’ปโŒจ๐Ÿ’ฌI ended up reading and posting on a lot of forums regarding Gender Disappointment and learned that what I was going through wasn’t completely abnormal. It turns out what I had done was created this person in my head and my heart, and had made her “real.” I hadn’t prepared myself for the very real possibility that this baby would be a “he.” I had gone into this pregnancy believing that I was coming out of it with “my” girl, but this wasn’t going to happen. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ž

๐Ÿ’ฏGod had other plans๐Ÿ’ฏ

It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with all of this. Truthfully, more than three months later, I still struggle a tiny bit. I still see pictures of my niece and my friends’ little girls and I feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy. And sometimes I lay awake worrying that it will never happen for me…

๐Ÿ’”How I Got Over It๐Ÿ’™

One thing I’ve learned from all of this is that I can plan for something all I want, but God’s plan is better, and it will always prevail. ๐Ÿ’ฏ And if you don’t believe that, then maybe look at it this way: everything in life, good and bad, happens for a reason. If you’re going through a hard time right now, it’s going to make you stronger, ๐Ÿ’ชย and it’s going to lead you to where you need to be.

That’s what this is for me.

Finding out my baby was a boy was what led me to Perinatal counseling. ๐Ÿ“’๐Ÿง ๐Ÿ˜Œ I had been debating going before, but didn’t want to take the time and have to have another thing that I’d need babysitting for. But when I went through my gender disappointment, I finally made an appointment, and I’ve been working through some other things that are actually really helping in other aspects of my life. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜

It was really hard for me to look on the bright side at first, as everyone was trying to help me with. But I knew that I had to get through it, so I made a physical list of all the good. In doing so I’ve been able toย  see that while it might still be a little devastating for me, there’s really so much to be happy about. โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ

  • First, I have a healthy baby, that’s plenty to be thankful for.ย ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ™
  • Second, Vinny will still have a little sibling close in age, which comes with all of the benefits I listed in a previous post. ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ‘ถ
  • Next, it’s another boy, so my husband gets more chances to have his family name passed down in a traditional sense (almost all of his cousins are female, or have a different last name, and he his only sibling is my sister-in-law, so the family name depends on my husband and two of his significantly younger boy cousins), which I know is important to him. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ’—
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๐Ÿ’šOur Second Baby๐Ÿ’š
  • Furthermore, as Vinny is named after my husband’s father and grandfather, Michael (Mikey) is named after my father and shares my grandfather’s name. Plus, Vinny was even born in the same month as my FIL and Mikey is due the same month as my Dad’s birthday! Talk about serendipity ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ž
  • Finally, he’s my baby. ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿฅฐ He’s part of me and the love of my life. If that’s not a reason to be happy, I don’t know what else is.

So maybe I didn’t get my way this time. And who knows what we’ll get in the future? But God willing, someday soon I’ll be able to throw that “Girl Power Superhero Sprinkle” I had already planned in my head, and my little girl will have two super brothers to look out for her and show her how to be her own hero. ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’–


I had also bought Mikey his own coming home outfit to help make me feel better. I try not to make retail therapy a habit as I have in the past, but it did help a little looking through Etsy at all of the creative, personalized newborn outfits and coming across this little gem. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Now Mikey has something of his own aside from his brother’s hand-me-downs. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š 90 percent of his wardrobe is going to be passed down from Vinny. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘•๐Ÿ‘–๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

And honestly, I can’t wait to see him in it. And I can’t wait to welcome him into our family. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿฅฐ


Have you or someone you know experienced gender disappointment? How did you overcome it? Any other tips for readers? Post them in the comments!

Thanks for reading, my gals! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜ Stay tuned and I’ll tell you about how spending less time with my son makes me a better Mom. ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’“

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Our Growing Family: Twice The Chaos, Double The Love

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Holy 2 under 2, Batman! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Yes, as of writing this blog, I am 27 weeks pregnant with baby number 2! ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿ‘ถ2๏ธโƒฃ

Yes, as of writing this blog, my first is barely 1 year and 3 months old. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

Yes, at the time of my second child’s birth, my first son will barely be a year and a half old. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Yes, we (sort of) planned it this way. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Yes, I know I’m crazy. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคช

In all seriousness, as scared as I am of the prospect of being a SAHM to 2 under 2, at the same time, I’m happy. ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

When I was younger, I always thought that when I had children they would be spaced 2 to even 3 years apart. I thought this for a few reasons. One, to give myself a break in between, ๐Ÿ˜…ย two, to have one potty trained by the time the next came along, ๐Ÿ’ฉย and three, so that I would have enough “time” with each baby before the next one. ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ’ž

But when I got together with my husband, he had expressed wanting multiple children close together, as close together as actual Irish Twins…๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜จ๐Ÿ˜ฑย Who’s the crazy one now? ๐Ÿ˜‚

And while in my childfree days I thought this would be absolute lunacy, once we had our first baby, I got to rethinking. ๐Ÿค”

Having two younger brothers, I feel that having siblings made us all better people in certain ways. We had to share, overcome fights, and look out for each other. And while things might have been rough in our early years, as we all got a little older, we all became each others’ close friends in different ways. ๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ฌย And since we’re spaced about 2 years apart, I feel that the closer together my kids are, the closer they will be. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Here’s hoping! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ย I know I don’t know the future, but the more people I’ve talked to and met that have already had children in close succession, the more I heard that while it was rough at first, after a while it was the best thing that could have happened to their family. ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง

More often than not, I heard stories of siblings becoming best friends, playing with the same toys (cutting down on the “need” for more toys) and even going to school in almost the same grade so they could help each other through schoolwork and social woes. ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ’ฌ

And the way I see it, having a sibling so close will help make Vinny more compassionate. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿค—ย Since he’ll be so young when the next one comes along, having a sibling will be more of a way of life for him so he’ll be used to the concept of sharing and being kind. I’m hoping it will help shape him into a kind, compassionate soul. We’ll see when the next one comes along! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

But every family is different! Wether you have Irish Twins or a 10 year old with your next on the way, your family is perfect. God gives us what we need. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’—

So yeah, that’s about it! Later on I might have a post on how this pregnancy has been sooo different than the first. And in a not too distant future post, I’m going to touch on something a little heavy, which will explain why this announcement is so late! ๐Ÿ˜…

In the meantime, here’s some bump pictures I’ve taken to bring you up to speed. ๐Ÿ˜˜



Thanks so much for reading, my gals! Next time I’ll let you know how I made my eldest’s first birthday special on a budget! 1๏ธโƒฃ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿง๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ