The “Boy-Or-Girl Blues,” How I Got Over My Gender Disappointment

When we first talked about having another baby so soon after our first, somehow I had gotten it into my head that the next one would be a little girl. 👧👗💅🎀💖👑

So convinced was I of this that I had even purchased (from consignment, of course) some girl clothes I had come across and couldn’t resist and had begun saving girly items for a possible sprinkle I’d have for her. I’d even had her name picked out (She was going to be named after someone very, very special💖). I had even made a Pinterest Board with her name containing the matching outfits we’d wear and hairstyles I could attempt on her. 👗💄👠👝💇💅🥰

Almost all of my pregnancy symptoms were even “indicative” of a girl–wicked morning sickness, 🤢🤮 carrying high, 🤰massive breakouts, 🌋😬 etc. I even found myself instinctively calling the baby “she” and “her” in the early weeks. Friends and family were even convinced of it. I was so happy.

But then at my 19 week scan, the ultrasound tech said those three words…

👦🔵”It’s a boy.” She stated, almost too matter-of-fact-ly.

My heart sunk. 💔💔💔 I must have asked the technician, much to her annoyance, three times if she was sure, and to each question she would reply with a cold “Yes.” I can remember watching her type “Boy” over the anatomy in slow, deliberate keystrokes.

I still hate to admit it, but I cried. I hadn’t cried much this pregnancy, but I did that day, on the examination table. I was devastated. 💔💔💔

I know that sounds terrible. After all, he was perfect! Healthy, measuring on time, no concerns 🙌🙏 …but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy.

I cried and cried all that weekend. I was inconsolable. I couldn’t get out of bed. My melancholy continued into that next week, as all I could think of was that I wasn’t getting the little girl I had dreamed of this whole year.

I had begun to suspect that I’d been having issues with prenatal depression leading up to this, too, so I know that’s also a big part of what was making this such a big deal. I stopped eating right when my birthday and anniversary came and went that month, and really let myself go when I found out the gender. I’m paying for that now. 😓😓

💻⌨💬I ended up reading and posting on a lot of forums regarding Gender Disappointment and learned that what I was going through wasn’t completely abnormal. It turns out what I had done was created this person in my head and my heart, and had made her “real.” I hadn’t prepared myself for the very real possibility that this baby would be a “he.” I had gone into this pregnancy believing that I was coming out of it with “my” girl, but this wasn’t going to happen. 🤷‍♀️😞

💯God had other plans💯

It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with all of this. Truthfully, more than three months later, I still struggle a tiny bit. I still see pictures of my niece and my friends’ little girls and I feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy. And sometimes I lay awake worrying that it will never happen for me…

💔How I Got Over It💙

One thing I’ve learned from all of this is that I can plan for something all I want, but God’s plan is better, and it will always prevail. 💯 And if you don’t believe that, then maybe look at it this way: everything in life, good and bad, happens for a reason. If you’re going through a hard time right now, it’s going to make you stronger, 💪 and it’s going to lead you to where you need to be.

That’s what this is for me.

Finding out my baby was a boy was what led me to Perinatal counseling. 📒🧠😌 I had been debating going before, but didn’t want to take the time and have to have another thing that I’d need babysitting for. But when I went through my gender disappointment, I finally made an appointment, and I’ve been working through some other things that are actually really helping in other aspects of my life. 🙌😁

It was really hard for me to look on the bright side at first, as everyone was trying to help me with. But I knew that I had to get through it, so I made a physical list of all the good. In doing so I’ve been able to  see that while it might still be a little devastating for me, there’s really so much to be happy about. ♥♥♥

  • First, I have a healthy baby, that’s plenty to be thankful for. 👶👣🙏
  • Second, Vinny will still have a little sibling close in age, which comes with all of the benefits I listed in a previous post. 👦💙👶
  • Next, it’s another boy, so my husband gets more chances to have his family name passed down in a traditional sense (almost all of his cousins are female, or have a different last name, and he his only sibling is my sister-in-law, so the family name depends on my husband and two of his significantly younger boy cousins), which I know is important to him. 😌💗
💚Our Second Baby💚
  • Furthermore, as Vinny is named after my husband’s father and grandfather, Michael (Mikey) is named after my father and shares my grandfather’s name. Plus, Vinny was even born in the same month as my FIL and Mikey is due the same month as my Dad’s birthday! Talk about serendipity 💕💞
  • Finally, he’s my baby. 🤰🤱👶🥰 He’s part of me and the love of my life. If that’s not a reason to be happy, I don’t know what else is.

So maybe I didn’t get my way this time. And who knows what we’ll get in the future? But God willing, someday soon I’ll be able to throw that “Girl Power Superhero Sprinkle” I had already planned in my head, and my little girl will have two super brothers to look out for her and show her how to be her own hero. 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️🦸‍♂️🙏😂💖

I had also bought Mikey his own coming home outfit to help make me feel better. I try not to make retail therapy a habit as I have in the past, but it did help a little looking through Etsy at all of the creative, personalized newborn outfits and coming across this little gem. 😍😍

Now Mikey has something of his own aside from his brother’s hand-me-downs. 😊😊 90 percent of his wardrobe is going to be passed down from Vinny. 😂👕👖🤷‍♀️

And honestly, I can’t wait to see him in it. And I can’t wait to welcome him into our family. 💗👨‍👩‍👦‍👦🥰

Have you or someone you know experienced gender disappointment? How did you overcome it? Any other tips for readers? Post them in the comments!

Thanks for reading, my gals! 😍🥰😘 Stay tuned and I’ll tell you about how spending less time with my son makes me a better Mom. 😅👩‍👦💓


Our Growing Family: Twice The Chaos, Double The Love


Holy 2 under 2, Batman! 😱😱

Yes, as of writing this blog, I am 27 weeks pregnant with baby number 2! 🤰👶2️⃣

Yes, as of writing this blog, my first is barely 1 year and 3 months old. 👶👣

Yes, at the time of my second child’s birth, my first son will barely be a year and a half old. 👶👶

Yes, we (sort of) planned it this way. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, I know I’m crazy. 😝🤪

In all seriousness, as scared as I am of the prospect of being a SAHM to 2 under 2, at the same time, I’m happy. 🥰🥰🥰

When I was younger, I always thought that when I had children they would be spaced 2 to even 3 years apart. I thought this for a few reasons. One, to give myself a break in between, 😅 two, to have one potty trained by the time the next came along, 💩 and three, so that I would have enough “time” with each baby before the next one. 🤱👩‍👦💞

But when I got together with my husband, he had expressed wanting multiple children close together, as close together as actual Irish Twins…😳😨😱 Who’s the crazy one now? 😂

And while in my childfree days I thought this would be absolute lunacy, once we had our first baby, I got to rethinking. 🤔

Having two younger brothers, I feel that having siblings made us all better people in certain ways. We had to share, overcome fights, and look out for each other. And while things might have been rough in our early years, as we all got a little older, we all became each others’ close friends in different ways. 👫👬 And since we’re spaced about 2 years apart, I feel that the closer together my kids are, the closer they will be. 💕💕

Here’s hoping! 🙏🙏 I know I don’t know the future, but the more people I’ve talked to and met that have already had children in close succession, the more I heard that while it was rough at first, after a while it was the best thing that could have happened to their family. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

More often than not, I heard stories of siblings becoming best friends, playing with the same toys (cutting down on the “need” for more toys) and even going to school in almost the same grade so they could help each other through schoolwork and social woes. 📚💬

And the way I see it, having a sibling so close will help make Vinny more compassionate. 😌🤗 Since he’ll be so young when the next one comes along, having a sibling will be more of a way of life for him so he’ll be used to the concept of sharing and being kind. I’m hoping it will help shape him into a kind, compassionate soul. We’ll see when the next one comes along! 🙏🙏

But every family is different! Wether you have Irish Twins or a 10 year old with your next on the way, your family is perfect. God gives us what we need. 💕💞💗

So yeah, that’s about it! Later on I might have a post on how this pregnancy has been sooo different than the first. And in a not too distant future post, I’m going to touch on something a little heavy, which will explain why this announcement is so late! 😅

In the meantime, here’s some bump pictures I’ve taken to bring you up to speed. 😘

Thanks so much for reading, my gals! Next time I’ll let you know how I made my eldest’s first birthday special on a budget! 1️⃣🥳🧁🎉🎁

Episode V: The Fatigue Strikes Back (the 2nd Trimester)

(Has anyone seen The Last Jedi? I was excited at first when I saw the trailers, because I wanted to see more of Luke, but I’ve been reading a few spoilers and reviews, and I’m not too impressed…I’ll wait for it to come out on Netflix)

The Saga Continues…

🤰🏻By 15 weeks in, everyone I knew, IRL and on social media, had been informed about my pregnancy. I was officially one of those girls you knew from high school getting pregnant on purpose. I was doing a lot better in the nausea territory, aside from feeling like I was running on E all of the time ⛽️⬇️💤
reading that the second trimester was supposed to be the “honeymoon trimester,” meaning that this three-month period was typically when you felt your best (at least, the best you can incubating a small being), and even experience a resurgence of energy. This was not so much the case for me 😪

I felt just like I did in the first trimester, as far as fatigue goes, if not even more tired, especially as the pregnancy progressed. I literally felt like my baby was siphoning the life right out of me via his umbilical cord 🧟‍♀️
Also, m
as beginning to make his presence known by reenacting Rick James on Charlie Murphy’s couch on my bladder…

giphy-downsized I was definitely feeling more pregnant, but I didn’t feel like I was looking it, at least early in my second trimester. I kept looking up when to expect seeing a bump, because mine didn’t seem to be coming in.
At my 1
appointment, I mentioned this to my OB GYN, as I was concerned that my baby wasn’t growing, and she gently explained to me that since I’m on the taller side (I’m 5’8″), and had a longer torso, that I might look smaller this time around, as I had more room to grow. She also told me that all of my organs would be shifting upward to accommodate, which eeped me out a little bit, but the things we do for our babies, right? 😌💞
s being shifted up, the second trimester was full of a lot of growing pains. Literally. 🤕 I went through a period of time when I thought that I had gallbladder issues, as my ribs were on fire for a good few weeks there. I learned from the NP that I had seen initially, after a blood test to rule out cholestasis, explained that what I was experiencing must have been intercostal pain, or discomfort in the muscles between my ribs as my ribcage expanded to make room for my expanding uterus. Everything just needed more room to grow 🌱➡️🌳
Aside from al
s, I was going into my second three months with pinchy, stretching, almost Charlie-horse-like pains in my sides. Naturally I was concerned, but I learned that this was round ligament pain as my abdominal muscles needed to expand to make room for baby. Pretty much my Uterus was saying “Move, b**ch, get out the way!” to all of my organs, muscles, and such.

This bothered me for a couple of weeks leading up to week 20, and then would really only act up as I tried to go for walks in the cemetery across from my apartment complex. I’d grit my teeth and walk through the pain for the most part, stopping occasionally to stretch it out, and eventually it would subside.

Gender Reveal and Anatomy Scan

My Facebook poll on the day of my 19 week appointment 💙❔💖

Until now, I had been referring to our little one as, “Vinilli”, an amalgamation of the prospective names we had picked out for our first born. On March 24th, 2017, my husband and I made our way to the 19 week anatomy scan to find out if we would be calling our little mango baby “Vinny,” for Ramon Bienvenido Ruiz (named after my husband’s father and Abuelo), or “Lilli,” for Lillian Elizabeth Ruiz (first name for my great-grandmother, and middle name for my mother-in-law)

The night before this visit, though, I had a dream about our little one. In my dream, my husband and I, and our baby, aged up to about 1 and a half, were at Mack’s Apples, an apple orchard and flagship landmark of our little hometown. There was a fair going on, and a friend of ours had gotten hurt, so I rushed to help him. In the process, however, my baby had gone missing…the rest of the dream was my husband and I looking for our missing progeny using Pokemon Go, reuniting with our little one, and then suddenly popping up at the grocery store, cursing out Shia LeBeouf for driving his go-cart too fast through the parking lot… 😅

👶🏼All of this to say, I had a dream the night before that our baby was a boy. It was so vivid and real (the part regarding our baby, not Shia. Although, I can’t say it would surprise me if he did something like this IRL) that I wrote all of this down in my phone so I would remember it. And so while I was at our appointment, my arm linked with my husband’s, eyes glued to the sonogram screen, I sat breathlessly waiting for the technician to mention the gender.

My heart skipped a beat when the ultrasound technician confirmed that we would, indeed, be calling our baby Vinny. I guess dreams have a way of coming true.

💙Somehow I had always known in my heart that my first child would be a boy. I looked at my husband in my peripheral, his eyes gleaming, staring at our little boy on the screen. He looked at me, and smiled, the shine of the screen reflecting from his eyes. I returned his gesture with a nervous grin. I kept staring at the tiny baby, stretching and jabbing from within me. I kept waiting for tears of joy to run down my face, but they did not come. I just stared at the screen, feeling overwhelming love and terror–I couldn’t wait to hold him, and yet I was so afraid of not being what he needed…I watched him continue to wriggle, praying that he’d be healthy, and that I would be able to be the Mom he needs and the Mom he deserves 👩‍👦💞

Our little boy’s picture-perfect sonogram💙👶🏼💙

The technician continued taking pictures of all of the vital anatomy, the screen pausing for brief seconds at a time as she did so. When she stopped on our son’s still developing face, he looked a lot like Skeletor 💀 because at this point, babies haven’t really started putting on that baby fat that makes them cute yet, so his face looked a little sp00py, a face only mommy and daddy could love. But love him we did.

We were happy to learn that our boy was healthy as could be, and left the appointment to slowly reveal the news to our family and closest friends. I decided that I wanted to keep it a surprise for extended family and our outer circle, and have a gender reveal baby shower (I’ll talk more about my arcade/retro gaming themed shower in the next blog)! This drove my Facebook friends nuts, and I kind of loved it 😂🤣

I had also begun taking lots more pictures once I finally discovered my bump at 20 weeks in.

🦋I started vaguely feeling little flutters, like gas bubbles popping inside my belly, probably close to 19 weeks, and definitely felt stronger little nudges around 21 weeks. I was able to actually feel definitive movement, and even sort of see it through my skin (so creepy 😨👾 but so wonderful at the same time🤩💖) towards the end of my second trimester, and my husband was able to feel his movement right around 25 weeks. I can’t forget how his face lit up and his eyes glistened when he felt his tiny son respond to his hand over my belly 😍😭💏

The only other major symptom I experienced in the second leg of my pregnancy journey was heartburn ❤️🔥 I had never before in my life had heartburn, and to anyone who experiences it on a fairly regular basis, I am so sorry 😰 It was like I was breathing fire 🐲 it hurt so much. Everyone I mentioned this to said that this was because my baby was going to have a lot of hair. I silently wondered if I was gestating a human baby or a wookie…

👗During this time I had also discovered and had fallen madly, head-over-heels in love with consignment shopping! I found the most adorable consignment store that sells maternity clothes in Amherst, New Hampshire. This place is e v e r y t h i n g 🤩😍 It’s all about repurposing ♻️ environmental friendly products 🌎 and local business 👨‍🌾 I was able to find my whole summer wardrobe for around $75 (including two new maternity shirts I’d ordered on sale from this adorable site,  PinkBlush which I currently use)! This was such a blessing because being in the third trimester over the summer is rough…but I’ll tell you more about that next time! ☀️😩💦😵

Super cute maternity shorts! They had inspiring messages on their mirrors–I needed this that particular day 😅

Second Trimester Hax

So I didn’t really have as hard of a time during my second trimester as I did in the first. So I only have a few tips here. Hope this helps!

😴Fatigue: Despite this being the honeymoon trimester, and most sources saying you might have a resurgence of energy during these few months, I felt almost as tired as I did the first trimester, if not more so. I would literally be falling asleep on customers over the phone, and barely be able to hold conversations without dozing off. But there were times when I needed to get it together and pay attention. When I needed an extra boost, I would get a decaf iced coffee. Decaf actually still has traces of caffeine in it, and as someone very sensitive to caffeine, was usually enough of a boost for me prior to becoming pregnant. Plus just having a coffee in my hands was enough of a placebo effect to make me believe I had more energy. I would also do some stretches, or take a brief walk outside around my office building to get the blood flowing so I had a couple more hours of focus ☕️ 🏃🏻‍♀️ 🧘🏻‍♀️

🔥Heartburn: When I had my cholestasis scare, the OB I saw at the time suggested that heartburn could have been the cause of my upper abdominal discomfort in addition to the intercostal expansion. He told me I could take some off-brand Zantac to relieve this. I didn’t want to rely on this, but a couple of pills did get the job done. I would drink a ton of water after two of them and just lay on my side and wait for the fire to be put out. Consult your OB if you think this might be what you need. I didn’t try too many homeopathic remedies like I usually do, but this is what really helped so I stuck with it ❄️

🤕Round Ligament Pain: I was lucky enough that my RLP wasn’t super debilitating like it is for some women. For me, walking it off was usually enough to help with the pain. What I would do was put my hands on my hips and kind of move them in a semi-circle as I was walking to stretch out the sides of my lower abdomen and give me a little bit of relief until the pain subsided. Of course, this may not be enough for some of you littler ladies who don’t have as much room to grow. For more tips on how to deal with Severe RLP, visit my sister-in-law at Becoming Rivera, as she can give you the lowdown on this brutality 😔

What I Wish I’d Done Differently

💪🏼Work out more. Just like in my first trimester, I wish I had found a workout routine that I stuck with. I wasn’t in the best shape in my third trimester. I was very much mobile, and I didn’t have any health problems, but I just felt uncomfortable and like nothing fit (which I know is to be expected, but…). Again, I feel like if I worked out even just a little my stamina and balance would have been better towards the end.

🍎Eat healthier: I did pretty well with this for a while, but towards the third trimester, I got insatiable, and all I wanted was salt. I pretty much subsisted exclusively on pickles (I know, basic af), cheese, peanut butter, and taco bell for a brief stint 😋 This was because I was starting to get depressed and sought comfort food. However, this just kind of made me bloat and exacerbated my heartburn (though I was in denial because diablo sauce is seriously everything, tho 🤤), and just wasn’t good for me, especially because I was a slacker when it came to drinking my water most days. Pretty much, I wish I’d been better about getting my 64 ounces of good old H2O and gotten some more veggies in there 💧🥗

🥦🥑🥤When I said I was gonna make a green smoothie for myself and my baby every day. It was nice while it lasted! 😂

☔️Had my baby shower. I know that most people don’t have their baby showers until their third trimester, but my whole third took place in the summer months, and I was pretty swollen, uncomfortable, and just plain didn’t feel attractive. I ended up having my baby shower a little over three weeks before I had my actual baby. I was so sweaty and swollen. I feel like I would have been a lot more comfortable if I’d had my shower at the end of the second trimester instead of waiting until the third. Of course, when you have your shower is completely up to you, but I feel like I might have enjoyed myself a little bit more if I’d had mine a bit earlier. But if any of you ladies are going to be due in the summer, it might be a good idea to consider having your showers a bit earlier 🌦

💞We all have those days…

So that was my second trimester! How many of you are enjoying the honeymoon stage? What symptoms are you experiencing? Hang in there! Not too much longer! ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for reading, my gals (and d00ds)! Stay tuned for my third trimester stories, labor and delivery, and more! I promise we’ll get into the upcycling and mom hax soon! 😘😘